Real Talk: Just Breathe

As I sit at my kitchen table eating the dinner I made for two, all by my lonesome (because my husband came home early from work tonight with a nasty, nasty stomach bug), I can't help but think about how I yelled at  him this morning. One of my finer moments, clearly. I rarely yell, but my inner *cuss word* came out today. He actually hadn't done anything, but he was the recipient of some pent up frustration caused by a relentless crying baby named Emerson. This morning was especially tough, which was a reality check because last night was so great. We got together with our small group last night for food + fellowship. We didn't get home until after 11 (which is a pretty big deal for us these days) + ended up in bed sometime after midnight, but that was okay because we had had a great night.

Well, fast forward approximately 5-6 hours + cue Emerson waking one whole hour before her usual wake up time. That, plus *TMI ALERT, men* my lady friend decided to return after 16 months of vacation time (talk about returning with a vengeance). My back was aching something terrible + I was very tired this morning. Needless to say, the day started on a rough note. After feeding the babe, she was unusually fussy (until she went down for a nap a little before 9am). I was losing my patience and quickly.

By 8am, Trey was awake (for real, not just because the baby was crying). He was preparing his things to leave for the gym before he had to go to work. I was irritated beyond belief that my child was crying relentlessly for no apparent reason (though looking back, obviously there was probably a reason). I was jealous that Trey got to get away from the noise + the responsibility of a baby for a WHOLE day, and to top it off, I really didn't feel well. One little comment he made set me off. I don't even remember the comment, but boy did it piss.me.off. I yelled and he shot back a response, then quickly kissed us + left. I really don't blame him for wanting to peace out, but it only made things more frustrating. That my friends was all before 9am.

I cried HARD for about 30 seconds after he left (mind you, Emerson was still crying). It felt good to cry. REALLY GOOD, actually. I think sometimes you just need a good, deep, emotional cry to let out your frustrations. I also prayed. That is always, always, always a good idea. I asked Trey to forgive me and I went forward with my day, which for the most part was much less exciting than the early morning portion. Thank God.

Why is it that we take out our frustrations on those we love the most? Trey and I are sadly good at this. Okay, that sounds WAY worse than how I meant it, but y'all know what I mean. I love that man with every fiber of my being, but I selfishly treat him like dirt sometimes + vice versa, especially whenever I feel inconvenienced or under appreciated, or ___________ (fill in the blank). I always feel extremely guilty and almost immediately feel the need to repent + apologize. I just don't know why we do it when I know it makes us feel so crummy. I guess Satan has a way of kicking you while you already down. Thankfully, Jesus picks us back up and cleanses us white as snow.

Next time, I just need to breathe...that could've eliminated an entire morning of chaos. Mental note to self: "breathe".