1. Let's familiarize you with all of these crazy abbreviations that you'll need to decipher if you begin Googling anything, especially if you read any forums involving other mothers. I have learned these simply by reading too many blogs/comments on said forums. I also literally just typed into Google "Abbreviations Used in Baby Forums" to see what I could find and whaddaya know, there's 50 million websites dedicated to deciphering these codes. Here's the ones that I've managed to figure out on my own (AKA, the ones you'll see the most), but if you get stumped some time in the future, just use good ole trusty Google.
Deciphering the Code:
FTM= First Time Mom
LO= Little One
DH= Dear Husband
EBF= Exclusively Breast Feeding (Fed)
SAHM= Stay at Home Mom
WM= Working Mom
2. Do not read too many stories about labor and delivery because no matter how prepared you think you are, you aren't. It's important to be informed especially if you plan to get an epidural (risk factors, etc), but overplanning is pointless and will only make you more fearful. If you're not slightly afraid of labor then you're superwoman, because even though birth in and of itself is a beautiful miracle, the actual labor process isn't that glamorous. So, my advice is to read the basics (maybe take a class) and let your body/nurses/doctors tell you the rest. You were created with a body that is MADE to do this. It hurts like absolute hell, but in the grand scheme of yours and the baby's life, it's over pretty quickly. I know that I personally tried not to read online too much about labor and delivery simply because I didn't want to have any expectations, just to be let down or quite frankly, pissed off when things went differently than what I'd read. It's SO true that EVERY woman is different, every baby is different, and EVERY. SINGLE. DELIVERY is different! Even if you're scared out of your mind, you can and you will do it, and after you do, you'll feel like the most powerful creature on the planet. Though exhausting, it's quite a rush and unlike anything you'll ever experience. Plus, think on the bright side, you are pushing out YOUR little baby and so your pain is not in vain, dear friend! Just trust yourself! You're going to do awesome! {And if you want/have to have a c-section, then the same goes for you, minus the pushing}.
3. Have someone set up a meal train for you. THIS SAVED US! We had steady meals for almost 3 weeks. It was a.w.e.s.o.m.e! You'll be tired and sore and cooking is the last thing you'll feel like doing, so it's really nice to have friends + family that can provide meals for a while. Also, don't feel guilty spending money on take-out...you earned it!
4. Use your pump. When your milk comes in a few days after delivering, your boobs will feel like humongous water balloons filled with concrete. For me, this was almost as painful as the delivery itself. But, that's because I didn't really know how to use my pump/when to pump/how much to pump. When those suckers are full to the brim, pump until you are comfortable. Take it from me, don't try to suffer through it. It's most definitely not worth it. *TMI alert* I vividly remember early on when my milk was still regulating, I was in so much pain that I was feeding Emerson on one side, while Trey was holding a warm compress +massaging on the other side to ease some of the pain. It sounds really weird, but oh MY gosh, I've never loved him more. :P Speaking of breast pumps, most insurance companies will cover that and provide it free of charge, so call before you purchase one. I have Anthem, and I got mine from Edgepark and it's the Medela In-Style Advance (and I've been very pleased with it).
5. Give yourself time to heal. I'm such an overachiever/OCD freak that I wanted to do everything all the time. BIG MISTAKE. I wore myself down and I was a wreck because of it. Let other people help you. I was so afraid that I was the only one that could truly care for the baby, and the house, and myself, that I rarely let anyone else do much. I completely 100% regret this. I should've slept more, cleaned less, and pawned my child off as much as possible. HAHA, but seriously. It's such a roller coaster of emotions those first few weeks (months for me) that you'll only be doing harm by not allowing others to assist. Don't try to be wonder woman...you have the rest of the child's life for that. Save yourself early on. If someone offers to come help, let them. If someone offers to do your laundry, say "ABSOLUTELY". If someone wants to come over just so that you can take a nap or a shower, do NOT turn them down, no matter how much you may want to.
With that being said, one thing that I did really love was that Trey + I didn't allow many visitors the first few days we were home. It allowed us time to get situated + adjust to life with a brand new little human, plus it gave us time to just BE without having to feel like we had to entertain 24-7. Not that there's anything wrong with having visitors right away, we just felt like it saved our sanity a little bit to reserve some time just for us. But again, to each his own in that regard.
6. As I mentioned before, try to save Google for "emergencies", as in you've tried everything you possibly know to do and now you need reinforcements. I learned the hard way that Google is not God. I relied on Google wayyyyyyy too much in the early days. Whenever I couldn't figure something out, surely other moms or websites had all of the answers I needed. Again, every baby is different, so even Google can't solve all of your problems there. I still Google often, but I have found that I am MUCH happier/less stressed when I just let her be how she is and I don't try to "fix her" with a possible solution found on the internet. I will say though, I do recommend joining some type of FB group of moms or something, because SOMETIMES (not often) it IS nice to run ideas past other moms who have been there + done that.
7. Try not to compare yourself or your baby to other moms/babies. This has been hard for me. I've written about it before. I see pictures of babies that are doing all of these things and my little Em just isn't and it makes me feel like 1) a failure or 2) she's behind developmentally. I have to constantly remind myself that (again) every baby is different and develops at their own rate. I have several friends/acquaintances with babies around Emerson's age and I constantly find myself wishing she was "bigger like that baby", or "rolling over like this one", or "sitting by herself like her baby". It's a treacherous path and I have to catch myself mid-stumble or else I end up crying and hurt at the bottom of the hill. Just let your baby be him/her self. They change SO quickly that if you waste time (as I've learned the hard way) comparing you're just wasting away precious moments that you'll never get back. You're baby will be awesome, no matter what.
8. Read a sleep habits book for babies. I read Babywise and Sleep Easy Solutions (I think that's the title anyway). Babywise is really good for establishing a routine early on, though let me warn you, don't get too caught up in a routine right at first, because it takes a good 2 months before any real "schedule" starts to stick. Those little babes just wanna sleep and eat (and cry) in those early months. Thanks to Babywise, I had Em on a 3 hr. eat, sleep, and wake time routine from very early on, which for a schedule-oriented person like me was VERY helpful. But, I know some people that feed their babes whenever they cry or let them sleep whenever they want, and if that's the route you decide to take, go for it! No judgement here, just personal preference. The Sleep Easy Solutions also deals with scheduling and routine but it more explains baby sleep and how it works/changes at they grow. Babies are constantly changing (like what works one day may not work the next) and so you HAVE to be flexible or you'll drive yourself mad (like I did).
9. Invest in ONE good friend/family member to be your sounding board. Mine has been my friend Sarah. Ironically, she was the first person to know I was expecting (yes, even before my husband...on accident) and she was IN LABOR when I texted her a picture of the preggo test. She has literally been supporting me every single step of the way and I'm so grateful for not only her mommy-support, but also just her friendship. She understands what life is like now because she's been there. She can relate to issues within marriage post-baby because she's living it too. She understands the need for "girl time" and "venting sessions" because again, she's doing it alongside me. The reason I confide in her so much, aside from the fact that we're great friends, is because she is SO different from me, in terms of parenting. She is super laid back and go with the flow and I'm basically the opposite. She helps me in this area. She calms me down and encourages me when I feel overwhelmed. She assures me that I'm not failing Emerson as a mother and she isn't afraid to tell me when I need to chill out, which I love and respect. I'm so thankful for her and I strongly encourage you to find ONE person that can be that for you. I may catch flack for this, but I would encourage you to find someone that has a baby (or babies) because some things are just different when you become a mother and sometimes folks,without kids, though very helpful, can't always relate to what you're experiencing day in and day out (by no fault of their own).
10. Lastly, but probably most importantly, make time for your spouse. He was there before the baby and he'll (Lord willing) be there after the baby. Make time for each other and make one another a priority. Bringing a baby into a marriage changes the ball game drastically. Before baby you just had each other and your independence, but after baby you have you, him, the baby, and somewhere in there you're supposed to have "us". Independence somewhat goes out the window (especially for mom in the beginning). Make sure you kiss your spouse when he gets home from work (and I'm guilty of not doing this) even though sometimes it will be the farthest from your mind. As everyone knows, Trey + I have had a hard time these past 6 months because of scheduling issues and in part because of my depression early on. We have to REALLY TRY at this marriage thing now because it's not just easy anymore. I'll admit that most days when he gets home after working 24 hrs. all I want to do is 1 of 3 things: pawn Em off on him for a while, go do something by myself (even if it's just watch 1 tv show or write in this blog), or have him help me do chores. Where in there are we supposed to cherish each other? I have to make a concerted effort to love ON him and to make him feel wanted by me. I have failed so much at this in the past 6 months and it's become very clear to me. We have to make dates a priority or they won't happen (as we've learned). Life with kids is SO different from what I expected, honestly. It's terrific and filled with so much love, but it's also changed "us", not necessarily for the worse, it's just different than it used to be. I've learned that when you vow "in good times and in bad" that can even include joyous occasions such as bringing a baby into the world. So, all of that to say, make one another a priority, especially you, mom! You'll be exhausted at the end of the day and tired because a little human has been hanging on you (or spitting up all over you, in my case) and beckoning for you all day long, and you'll be so excited just to pawn that off on someone else for a little while. Try not to see it that way, though. Try to share in the experience, all the while, showing your spouse that you are SO excited to be with him and around him. It will make this whole baby-rasising thing a little less exhausting.
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