The Mom Bod

It's no secret that a woman's body goes through drastic changes during and after pregnancy. This was us circa 2011, a year after we got married. I didn't work out, I didn't watch what I ate, and yet I still looked like this. How is that even physically possible? {Teacher stress, that's how!}

Well, that was great while it lasted. Not only, has my body structure changed since then (mostly since having a baby), but I can't just eat whatever I want anymore with little consequence. Yeah, I still love ice cream and an occasional Coke, but I rarely have either of those anymore. I have curbed my eating habits tremendously (ask my husband), but I still enjoy food. I don't want to go through life only "being allowed" to eat certain things. That's no fun and quite frankly, makes me pretty miserable. I feel confident knowing that I'm making healthy choices 90% of the time. I don't want to force myself into an exercise regiment or an eating regiment that causes me to lose sight of what's important in life. Food and exercise are both wonderful and I usually enjoy both, but I don't enjoy making that my focus because then that's where all of my energy goes and that's not healthy. That was somewhat of a tangent, sorry! Back to business...

I, probably like many of you, have been very hard on myself post-baby. I used to be a size XS/S and now I'm a M (and even sometimes a L). That has been a hard pill for me to swallow. I am still breastfeeding, and I'm pretty sure it's causing me to hang on to some extra weight because no matter what I do, I can't shed those last 8-10 pounds of "baby weight". Is it still considered that if your baby is almost a year old? LOL!

{I want to preface this next part by adding that I do not intend to offend or upset anyone with this post or with what I'm about to say}. Anyway, I'm not used to being an 'average' sized woman. That sounds SO horrible to say, but it's true. I've always been skinny and petite. I'm still petite, but not nearly as skinny. Let me clarify by saying that I am in no way saying I'm fat or obese or anything like that, so please don't misunderstand. What I am saying is that this new body of mine is an adjustment. I often forget that this new body of mine carried and sustained a human life for 9+ months (18 if you count breastfeeding). That's an amazing feat! I tend to find all of the "gross" parts of my body and focus on them. I fail to recognize that the extra weight I have around my mid-section that's still fairly loose (you know, that pooch we all hate) is from my abdomen stretching and reorganizing itself to accommodate an almost 8 lb baby. I ignore the fact that my wider hips are from my pelvis physically expanding to birth a tiny human. (*Ouch*). And these larger arms are from carrying that 8lb (now closer to 15lb) baby around for 9 months. The girl loves her mama, what can I say? The cellulite on my upper thighs, well I'm not sure what part of pregnancy caused that, but I am sure it's to blame. :P

Here's the deal (ladies!), I, though still small in comparison to many, have insecurities. I have been embarrassed at times by my body. I hide it from my husband sometimes (like he hasn't seen it already or something). That's how we got in this (wonderful) predicament in the first place! I try to fit into old clothes in an attempt to "feel" skinnier. Honestly, that completely backfires every time. Just buy some new pants Chelsea, seriously. Since having Emerson, I try to eat right and I try my best to get some form of exercise daily. I try to get plenty of rest and I TRY to keep positive thoughts in my head when I look in the mirror. If I'm being honest, that last one is the hardest. I beat myself up way too much. I need to just accept the fact that my body HAS changed and it's the new me. That doesn't mean that I will settle and say 'screw it'. I will continue to work towards change, but, what I also intend to do from here on out is to speak positively to myself when I see my reflection. Trey encourages me and tells me I'm beautiful, but I need to tell myself, or it means nothing.

In the end I find myself wondering 'who it is I'm really trying to impress anyway?'.  I have a terrific husband who loves me as I am, a God that made no mistake with me, and I have a beautiful daughter that made me this "new" way. I think I'm good with that. Maybe this "mom bod" isn't so bad after all...