Friday, May 15, 2015

Wanna be's

I get a case of the "wanna be's" more often than I'd like to admit. I "wanna be" more like her because she's __________", or I "wanna be" less anxiety-driven, then I'd be happier", or I "wanna be more like that mom with that seemingly perfect kid".

It's so easy to get sucked into that mindset. I would say that DAILY I struggle with the "wanna be" attitude. I take responsibility for my thoughts and actions, but I do blame a large part of the "wanna be" attitude on social media. This all stems from an article I read recently about how a young girl hid all of her troubles from everyone, so much so, that her tragic suicidal death was actually unbelievable to most of her friends and family. How tragic, that 'we' as human beings can forge such a fake life for ourselves that we fool everyone around us. You know you've done it. I for sure have been a victim to it.

I have contemplated giving up Facebook SO many times, but have never done it because I guess I think I'll miss something important (ha, puh-lease), but mostly because it's vital way that I connect with out of state family members + friends, especially when it comes to Emerson. Yeah, I could e-mail or do something of the like, but honestly, that can be quite time consuming (not that our family isn't worth it), and I have a tiny human to tend to all hours of the day, so Facebook is just easier for me at the moment. I don't know which causes me more strife though, Facebook or Instagram. I don't have a "tweet-er", as I call it, and I never will. Frankly, that's because I don't really understand "tweeting" and don't really see a point in it. I share similar sentiments regarding Snapchat. I think it's dumb, but that's just my opinion + a completely other story, so ignore me if you love either of those social media outlets, and let's continue.

Facebook is VERY private for me in terms of who I'm friends with and who I allow to see my posts. If you see my updates, consider yourself lucky. I recently went on a FB de-friending spree and it felt great. I never realized I was friends with so many people that I haven't talked to or seen in like 5+ years. Sorry, not sorry.  Instagram is a little less private, in that I follow many people that I don't know (like the only reason I might know their name is because it's listed on their IG profile), but I don't allow anyone to follow me that I don't personally know. Too many creeps out there..again, another story. Instagram is a pitfall for me, especially since becoming a mother. I follow lots and lots of moms on Instagram and I find myself constantly playing the "wanna be" game with them. It's so frustrating to me, but yet I can't seem to hit the delete or "unfollow" button. I compare my baby girl to their children. I compare my body to their bodies. I compare my house to their homes. I compare my spouse to their spouses. I compare my anxiety to their seemingly lack-there-of. You name it, I've probably compared it. Ouch, that's hard to admit.

I'm happy for people that appear to have all of their s**t together (or even worse, actually DO have it together), but at the same time, I want to call "BULLS**T" on all of it. Instagram is just not reality, let's be honest. People filter, filter, and filter some more until it's practically not even them anymore. They post their baby the ONE time that day that they've laughed or smiled and post like the child has never had a hell-bent moment. They post ridiculously long statues tooting their own horns (major pet peeve, by the way), or they post only the pretty stuff in life. I am challenging myself to not only post REAL LIFE, but to eliminate the "wanna be's" by being myself and posting things that represent the way I want to be viewed in REAL life. I'm not saying I will never use a filter, or post a posed picture, but just understand that I get it. I get that there's real stuff happening behind the filter + the poses. There's nothing that irritates me more than folks who pretend to have it all together when in reality are breaking into a million pieces. I break on the regular and I'm not ashamed to admit it. I don't want y'all to have false impressions of me or my role as a woman, mother, wife, (used-to-be teacher), or any other role I fulfill these days. 

 Imagine a world where people were honest and real with each other. Imagine what would happen if instead of posting a picture on your best hair and make up day, you posted a picture on a day where you feel ugly, fat, and sad all at once. Be honest: we've ALL been there! I'm not suggesting that we all start posting pictures of our "I woke up like this" (except for real) selves, but wouldn't all of those "wanna be's" fade away if everyone just told their story like it really is? No hiding behind filters, or fake smiles, or statues that mask reality. Just tell it like it is. People like genuine, so you know what, I'm shooting for that rather than a "wanna be" version of myself. I feel better already...



No comments:

Post a Comment