Lyrics to a very popular children's song (or perhaps it's even considered a lullaby). Either way, a very beautiful rendition of it came on iTunes radio this morning. I was sitting at Emerson's little table playing with puzzles with her when it began playing quietly in the background. As I watched her play, I instinctively began singing along (because it's a song her daddy + I have sung to her since before she was born). Without even realizing it, I was tearing up. As I sat there watching her play, I was in awe of how much she's grown over the past (almost) year. I am amazed by her. My days are often long and tiring, there's no denying that, but moments like this one make everything worthwhile and are a reminder from God, I'm convinced, of why I quit my job to be home with our daughter.
I know many a friend who so badly wish to stay home with their babies rather than work. While I often envy those that get to go to work everyday and have adult interaction for 6-8 hours a day, I also wish that they sometimes could experience what I do every day too. {This is not to say that someday I won't return to work, but as it stands currently, this is the direction I'm choosing.} Not just for the selfish reason of having them see just how taxing staying home with a child all day actually is (it's a job in and of itself, trust me), but because I wish they could watch their babies like I get to watch Emerson. By watch, I mean it in the literal sense, as in "stare" or "take in". I don't always play with her or interact with her. Though she is definitely attached to my hip more often than not, there are occasional times each day where I like to just watch her play or stare into space or roll around or talk to herself or discover new things. There is no greater joy as a mother than just watching your little babe develop and discover new things.
Just now as I type this, Emerson is sitting at my feet playing with some blocks. She is very content. She occasionally reaches and tugs on my pant leg + looks up at me with those beautiful hazel eyes. I just smile because she's so pretty. She continues playing with her blocks and books, then randomly stands against the recliner where I'm sitting and gazes at me, then her little arms extend up anxiously hoping I'll reach down and gather her up in my arms, which I do, of course. She sits there with me for no more than a minute or two and we sing and dance to the song playing, then she begs to get down to continue playing. I LOVE THAT! The need for a cuddle, or a smile, or a gentle embrace. THAT is what makes being here day after day worth it. If she were elsewhere, I would have much more time to "be an adult", yes, but I wouldn't get to experience all those little moments that occur simply because I AM here. I love her cuddles and the little glances that she shoots me when I least expect them.
Emerson will be one in two weeks. Y'all, I cannot wrap my brain around that. I swear she was just the size of a little poppyseed in my belly. Her daddy and I were just starting to fantasize about what she would look like: the color of her eyes, the shape of her little hands and feet, about whether or not she would have any hair, and we certainly liked to dream about those chubby cheeks. Now, here she is almost a year later crawling and standing and talking and dancing and trying to sing (be still my heart). She has the most gorgeous features and that curly hair is killing me. She can pierce me with a single tear and her smile, it's to die for. I am tearing up right this second thinking about everything we've experienced together during her first year of life. It's been a rollercoaster of emotions. It's been hard on me, the marriage between her daddy and I, and honestly on my life in general, but amidst all of the difficulties, it's been so very, very worth it. She is truly a piece of my heart walking (almost) around outside of my body. She is growing everyday and it hits me a little more each day that she's becoming an actual little person with feelings, and a very fierce personality. She is becoming more and more independent, and selfishly that makes me sad. Everyday, though she is still VERY attached to me, she needs me just a little tiny bit less.
I am so thankful for the lessons that she's taught me and how the Lord has used her life to forever change and better mine. I have learned new things about myself (both good and bad) and about my husband through this experience of motherhood. I am so excited to see what the future holds and I pray to God that He never takes my sunshine away from me while I'm on this Earth. I just love her too much. Though, I know that somehow He loves her even more. She will always be our sunshine.
No comments:
Post a Comment