Challenges Everywhere!

Apparently 2015 is the year I take on several new challenges. My 30-day cleaning challenge has gone surprisingly fast, as in like a 3-4 day challenge, not 30. Once I started, I couldn't stop myself.

In addition to my 30-day cleaning challenge, I've started a clean-eating challenge. That's a really big deal for me, not because I'm a nasty, unhealthy slob, but I'm not always conscious of my food choices or the "stuff" that I'm putting in my body on a consistent basis. I eat lots of fruits and veggies, and I drink tons of water, while trying to eat on the "healthier" side of the spectrum, but aside from that I wouldn't say I'm "health conscious". I have shared before how self-conscious I am currently about my post-baby body. I went to the doctor about a week ago for my annual and I weigh as much as I did when I was 8 months pregnant. *jaw drop* To say that I was dumbfounded when I saw the scale would be an understatement, but of course no one saw that because I put on a smile and went about business as usual. I was super healthy while pregnant and I was exercising 3-4 times a week, if not more. I dropped my "baby weight" within a week after giving birth, which I attribute primarily to the insane things that nursing does to your body at first. I was SO excited to have my body back (albeit, it wasn't exactly the same as before, but it was close enough to make me feel good about it)! I've been beating myself up over my body for the past 2-3 months because every time I look in the mirror (sans clothing) I don't recognize the body before me. I hate that. I'm proud of the fact that I housed a baby in there for 9 (10) months, but I can't use that excuse forever. It's time I take my body/health back, for real. I've been seriously contemplating joining the gym (it would also be good bonding time for my husband and I since he works out a lot), but in addition to that I know I have to change my eating habits. I'm not a health-obsessed nut or anything, and I certainly don't intend to become one (as it often irritates me when people over-obsess about what they do/don't eat). I do however intend to become a healthier, fitter version of the person I am now. Trey has vowed to help me any way I would like him to. He's really supportive of a healthy lifestyle and he sets a good example. It's because of him that I was so healthy during my pregnancy in the first place. So, with that being said, I joined a clean eating "support" group (haha, it's not really a support group in the sense you're thinking, but rather a group that encourages clean eating and supports you as you go by offering tips and recipes). I'm actually really pumped about it because not only do they provide you with support, but they provide weekly meal plans for breakfast, lunch & dinner (and 2 snacks daily), with a shopping list included. That's amazeballs. :) I'm all about a whole week's worth of meals being planned for me!

Prior to joining this group, Trey and I discussed some ways that I could potentially cut out some carbs/unnecessary foods. After brainstorming for a while, he suggested I try to do one meal a day low carb/carb-free. I LOVE LOVE LOVE breads. It's seriously a pitfall. So, we decided I would try to do it every day at lunch. I started on Sunday. I ate grilled tilapia, peas, and quinoa as opposed to a sandwich with some chips or fruit. Yesterday for lunch, I wanted tuna fish sandwich, but the bread was a no-go, so I found this recipe for "Tuna Kale Salad". Sounds kind of gross, but tasted so delicious! You can find the recipe here.

I started the breakfast portion of the clean-eating menu this morning. It was "Strawberry Shortcake Oats" and it was freaking amazing. Seriously, I totally recommend it. It was like dessert for breakfast, kind of. 

Smash up 1/2 cup of strawberries in a bowl, then add an additional 1/4 cup sliced strawberries, 1/3 cup unsweetened almond milk (which I've been drinking ever since having Em and can't tell a difference, but it's SO much healthier), 1/4 cup nonfat greek yogurt (I used vanilla), 1/3 cup of quick oats, honey (or stevia) to taste (about 1 tsp.), and a pinch of sea salt. The recipe called for it to sit overnight, but I ate it right after making it and it was SO yum.

Aside from all these challenges, I've been thinking a lot about life in general, primarily as it relates to my daughter. She turned 5 months old yesterday.  F   I   V   E!!! When did that happen? How did that happen? Where is the time going? I actually cried yesterday thinking about how quickly she's growing up. I feel like I've been robbed though. Because I was depressed for a good 2 months at the start of her life, I don't remember much about her first 2 months of life, aside from the fact that she (and I) cried A LOT. She's a different baby now and I'm a different mom (thank God!), but it makes me sad. I'm actually frustrated because I feel like hormones and those horrible emotions robbed me of joy. They robbed me of enjoying my daughter when she was so new to the world. They robbed me of bonding time with her, but most importantly, they robbed me of time; time that I'll never, ever get back. That's a harsh reality. I realize there's not a whole lot I could've done to avoid the emotions I had back then, but it's still hard to think about it now. She is getting to a stage where she doesn't want to just lie in mommy's arms anymore, she wants to play and be active. Don't get me wrong, it's SO fun right now because she is engaging so much with the world around her, but at the same time, it's a little heart-breaking because I already feel like I've lost that "little baby" and it was in the blink of an eye. I know these are normal feelings and that they're only going to intensify the older she gets, but good grief. I'm so grateful for the opportunity to be Emerson's mom. I love her more and more with each passing day. I miss her when she's sleeping. I stare at her on the monitor just to feel close to her. I truly, truly, truly have learned the importance of cherishing each and every day that I have with her because these days are fleeting all too quickly. I want to make the most of these "baby days" because they'll be just a memory before I know it and I want to have LOTS of memories to cherish. These five months have no doubt been the MOST challenging, most rewarding, most memorable of my entire life. I am a mommy and I finally feel like I understand what that means. It's a good feeling and I never want to lose it. 

Enjoy the snow VA friends and keep warm!