My Journey with Postpartum Depression {PPD}

“I’ve always been an emotional girl, so I thought what I was dealing with was normal.”

Maybe you can identify with that quote from a real life mom. If you can, then let me assure you that you are not alone and this post is evidence of that. If you are a mother and you don’t necessarily identify with it, let me encourage you to continue reading in an effort to give you a glimpse into motherhood with Postpartum Depression. It is a hidden world to so many; one that is not talked about nearly enough. I had NO CLUE that I could face this very real struggle at a time in my life when everything was "supposed" to be so happy + joyous.

I had a terrific pregnancy; one that so many can only dream of. I say that not to rub it in anyone’s face, but rather to show the reality that just because you have a great pregnancy, doesn’t mean the postpartum process will be all rainbows and butterflies. For me, it was anything but that. Pregnancy was awesome and I couldn’t wait to become a mother. Then, I had my baby girl {Emerson Grace} and life as I knew it drastically changed. Yes, it brought the typical changes that are to be expected. Everything from sleep deprivation, struggles with body image, sore nipples and lady parts, and more of the like. But what I didn’t expect were the endless crying fits, the anxiety I felt every moment, the lack of connection with my husband, my family, my friends and worst of all, my own baby. All in all, going into motherhood, I did NOT know about the undisclosed journey that is Postpartum Depression.

Before I share some heartfelt stories from real life moms about their struggle with PPD, including my own, I want to provide some details about PPD: what it is and how to recognize its symptoms. The easiest way to do this is through the use of a couple of visuals that I found online. Please see below, and I hope the following brief stories bring awareness to those that don't understand and/or haven't struggled with PPD, and that it will bring hope to those of you that are struggling with PPD. Remember that “it’s okay to not be okay, but it’s not okay to stay that way."

Chelsea’s Journey

Chelsea {author of this post} is a former elementary public school teacher turned stay-at-home mom. Trey, her husband of almost 6 years, is a fireman + works secondarily as a children's emergency transport paramedic. They have a 19 month-old daughter named Emerson. Chelsea's blog is alittlethriftychic.blogspot.com and you can find her on Instagram: @alittlethriftychic, where she loves to share DIY, home decor + organizational tips, alongside her motherhood journey.

I delivered our daughter after a very short labor in late August 2014. My daughter and I were both in great health and aside from my being exhausted, we left the hospital with no concerns. Emerson was nursing well. I was healing well. There was nothing out of the ordinary. Finally, after 9 long, but enjoyable months, I was a mommy. I had dreamt of this this since I was just a kid. I couldn't wait to get started. It was going to be so fun...or so I thought.

Suddenly, like the shifting wind, all of my emotions changed. Within a week after delivery, I was intentionally avoiding visits + calls from other people. I didn’t want to get out of bed. I cried, and cried, and cried some more {the crying seemed to never stop}. I was sad and felt so overwhelmed, even though my husband + parents were literally right there for me. My husband, Trey was a huge support during this time, but he didn't understand my aching. I didn’t want to be with Emerson or my husband, anyone really. I just wanted to stay in my bedroom, not dealing with everything outside those walls. I was BEYOND overwhelmed and constantly anxious to the point of being unable to relax, and I couldn’t get myself together. I knew what I was experiencing was not “normal” behavior, but it was also my first time in this motherhood journey, so I guess I didn’t know any better. I thought this was just what motherhood was like. At my 6-week appointment, I told the doctor everything was great. I was lying, fooling even myself that this insanity would soon subside; that this was just all part of the new mom process. For friends + family, I put on a [fake} smile. When people would say “Oh, don't you just love everything about it?” or “Isn’t motherhood just the best thing ever”, I secretly wanted to scream “NOOOO, it sucks and I want out!” I felt so guilty for thinking about motherhood that way, especially when I had close friends that would do anything to be where I was in life. I was hiding, even from myself at times, so anxious and so alone in my own little world, and very few knew my daily struggles.

I continued this journey for months {the early months were far more severe}, until over time it seemed to slowly be resolving itself. I think it hit me that I had symptoms of PPD when I realized that most of my friends didn't feel this same way after having their babies. They seemed to genuinely enjoy motherhood. Why didn’t I? It wasn't until Emerson was around 6-8 months old that I was finally starting to feel more like myself. It took conscious effort on my part to overcome the daily inner struggles. I was never diagnosed with PPD, and I fault myself for not seeking help or reaching out. I rarely left the house and I took all of the responsibility of motherhood on my own shoulders, rarely allowing others to help. Help, in the form of ME TIME was the one thing I could've used the most especially with my husband working as much as he was at that point in time. I have learned that TIME FOR ME is the most important thing I can give my family. I have also learned the importance of exercise + proper nutrition. I absolutely cannot care for anyone else unless I care for myself first. It’s been a hard lesson, but please, don’t forget about the woman behind the mom; she’s just as important as the mom in there!

MaLyn’s Journey

MaLyn is married to her husband Mike, and they live in San Antonio Texas with their 3 kids, BryLee, Ellie, and Mav. She loves tacos, soda for breakfast, writing, and mysteries. Malayan blogs over at www.malynlogic.com and you can find her on Instagram: @malyn.logic. She also runs the shop shop.malynlogic.com.

After having my first baby I was so agitated, exhausted, depressed, and angry…but of course I wasn't going to tell anybody. I pretended to be so excited and happy, but I was dying inside. I thought that all mothers felt the same way and it was just something that wasn't supposed to be talked about. I really realized that I had a problem when my friends started having kids and they would take their babies on vacations and to restaurants and out for walks. I was petrified to leave the house with my baby. That's when I knew that what I was experiencing wasn't normal.

My husband and I talked about my sadness and he was very aware. He's always been my best friend. He supported me and talked me through things everyday, but I kept my struggle a secret from everybody else. For two years my relationship with my daughter was tricky. I was happy to be a mom, but not happy at all. PPD is a very difficult thing to comprehend and talk about. Eventually, I started to find mom-friends and I started working out, and that helped me come out of my depression. With my other 2 kids, I was put on an antidepressant right after giving birth and that made a tremendous difference. 

Jody’s Journey

Jody is a former teacher turned SAHM to a spirited toddler and a little one on the way. She just recently relocated to the East Coast with her husband and family. She enjoys reading, crafting, writing, and loving on her sweet family! To follow more of Jody’s journey, visit her blog www.sparkleofmylife.com.

I’ve always been an emotional girl, so I thought what I was dealing with was normal.  I knew that I was being completely irrational, but in the moment, there was nothing I could do. I was angry. I was sad. The only thing that made me happy was my time with my baby. I am not sure how my husband stayed with me through it. It took my daughter’s pediatrician sitting me down and telling me she was going to call my doctor to make me realize something was wrong. I went on an anti-depressant.  PPD was definitely a horrible thing to go through for me, my husband, and my other friendships.  I even lost a few friendships during the time.

Holly’s Journey

Holly is mom to two wonderful kids. Jayden, her daughter is 8 years old. She's super independent and she is full of life and adventure. Her son Mason is 4 years old with such a gentle soul. He is the most caring and compassionate person she's ever known. She says she is so blessed. To follow more of Holly’s journey, visit her blog at thecannyblog.wordpress.com.

After I had my second child, I had what I thought was just your typical case of the baby blues. You know what I'm talking about: your hormones are all out of whack and everything seems to make you cry. However, it seemed I was crying quite a bit more after having my second. Oftentimes I would find myself locked away in my bathroom sitting on the edge of the tub or on the closed toilet seat, just crying. It seemed a bit severe, but my whole pregnancy seemed more severe emotionally than my first had, so I figured post pregnancy was no exception.

After a while I found myself staring solemnly into space wishing I had never had my second baby. I remember being angry with myself. "Why did you ever think it would be a good idea to have a second child????" I had wished I could go back in time and change it all. It was around this time that I recognized that this was not just a severe case of the baby blues. Something more serious was going on. I should have gone to the doctor like my sister and dear friend had done and allowed him to prescribe something after properly diagnosing me. However, I'm stubborn and do not like the idea of taking antidepressants, so I refused doctor care. I am not recommending this. If you suspect anything is amiss, I urge you to seek professional help.

By God's grace I did overcome PPD on my own - over time… I think recognizing that I had it was a huge step in my getting better. PPD affects so many moms, even more than we know because some (like myself) are ashamed to admit it. After speaking with fellow moms who suffered post partum depression, I realized that while we shared similarities, all of our stories were different. It's hard to overcome the shame you feel for certain thoughts you may have had or certain things you may have said, but I believe bringing awareness to PPD by speaking about it will help with the shame and stigma associated with it.

Kelsey’s Journey

Kelsey is a kindergarten teacher, a wife, and a mother to a 14 month-old little boy named Connor.

I realized I was struggling a week after my baby boy was born, when I had 3 days of taking care of him day and night by myself. I knew I had PPD because even though my baby was happy, healthy, and sleeping in at least 2- hour blocks, I was ugly crying in the shower from the crushing anxiety. I was in a constant state of panic, but at the same time felt like I was a robot going through the motions of motherhood. I immediately had painful blocked ducts and cracked, bleeding nipples. I had an emergency C-section and after having only a few hours of sleep in the 3 days after he was born while in the hospital I went home to be surrounded by men taking care of me for the first 2 weeks PP. I needed knowledgeable women to help with breastfeeding and to encourage bonding time in a calm atmosphere, and unfortunately, that just didn't happen for me. What I remember most is the panic, the pain of surgery, and the sense that something was wrong with me. I wasn't enough. I wasn't doing anything right. I was sobbing at strange times. All of these thoughts were obviously untrue, but in the cloud of PPD, I couldn't see it.

When I finally felt like I couldn’t control my emotions, I called my OB. She told me I was "allowed" to stop breastfeeding if I wanted to. That took 75% of my stress away immediately. I was put on medication that day. My husband was very supportive, but confused. He asked me why I didn't tell him and all I could say was that I had literally just admitted it to myself that something was wrong.  I moved on by staying on my medication, by asking for family to help, by making peace with using formula instead of breastfeeding. Talking to other emergency C-section mothers and mourning the process of the birth I’d planned for myself helped me. I accepted help from friends and I STOPPED READING PINTEREST ARTICLES. I stopped second-guessing myself and I trusted myself to know what was best for my baby.

Rhenzel’s Journey

Rhenzel is married and is a new mom to a 3 month-old baby girl. She wanted to share her journey into motherhood as a way to share how God has sustained her since giving birth. 

I have friends of the same faith and mothers too, who mentioned that I should try not to cry much after I gave birth. I didn’t know why they kept telling me that because I personally believe that babies are bundles of joy and I wouldn’t have had any reason to cry other than out of sheer joy. But, I caught myself crying for no reason at all within just 2 days of giving birth. I felt so alone. I felt unworthy and I didn’t feel pretty anymore. I felt so useless. My husband thought I was miserable.

It was a scary place to be there for a while. I was so afraid that my daughter's health would be affected because of my unstable emotions. I wanted to get out of it. I wanted to go somewhere, just to leave. It was emotionally painful, in addition to the fact that I wasn’t able to sleep normally. Also, my marriage was on the rocks after I gave birth. I was so deeply stressed.

I realized that I couldn’t do anything on my own. I just prayed and held on to God's promise in Psalms 46:5 that says " God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day." I also kept declaring that my daughter was a reward from the Lord that He was using me as a vessel for His child, that whatever I was going through, my daughter would be just fine and would grow healthy. My friends and family were such a huge support for me. They kept telling me that I was doing a great job, even when I felt I was not. Simple compliments really helped me push through and move forward. My emotions didn’t go away immediately, even after lots of prayer. It took a while for me to get “better”, but God sustained me and made me wiser. I learned a lot and my faith grew deeper.


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Postpartum depression sneaks up on so many mothers in such an angry and unsuspecting way. It is often hard to talk about because mothers just don't feel like they are good enough to be in the position that they're in, and talking about it makes them feel so different and so much worse than all their other mom friends. I talk about it now because I care, not just because I went through it. I was one of the 85% of women that did NOT get diagnosed because I was clueless, and I'm sad about that. I don't want that for other moms. The hardest part about it for me was often seeing mothers that LOVED motherhood and were overly giddy {in my eyes} about it. I didn't understand it, just like they didn't understand me, simply because I never told them what was going on. That's why it's so important to open the lines of communication when it comes to this topic. Women everywhere desire community and love. We need to open up the doors to discuss the reality of this illness without judgment and fear of rejection. Thank you for reading and please share this with anyone you think might benefit from its contents. XO!