I Was Me Before They Were They

Women, especially moms, run themselves ragged caring for everyone else in their lives. We usually end up last in the assembly line of life. Kids, husband, job, house, meals...mom. I think it's amazing that we're so selfless, but I also think it's wrong to be selfless all the time. Allow me to explain.

Before I had children, I always spent time doing my hair, picking out a "cute" outfit, and doing my makeup. Every day, I would put myself together. I didn't do it for other people, I did it for me. I did it because it made me feel awesome. Then, I had Emerson and went into a spiral of depression that made me care very little about myself. It was a weird phase and one I hardly recognize as being real life. Mostly. because at the end of the day (or like half way through it, honestly) I was just too tired and emotional to care if my hair looked good or if I went out in anything other than yoga pants + a messy bun. I "lost myself" in that sense. If I'm being totally honest, I don't love the phrase "I lost myself" because I don't think you truly ever lose yourself, but for the sake of this post, that's the best way to describe it. I wasn't me for a while; maybe that's a better way to describe it. When I finally started on the up and up, I started caring for myself physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Motherhood took me on a wild journey the first year (shoot, some days I'm still hanging on for dear life), but I'm in a better place now and I attribute it to starting to care about ME. Selfish? Dare I say, NO WAY.

Why is it important to be a little selfish once you become a mom? Well,  simply put, you can't care for others until you properly care for yourself. For some that means a bath once a week to recharge, for others it means hitting the gym every day, and to some, it means locking oneself in the bathroom or closet to inhale a candy bar in 5 minutes so that you don't have to share. For me, it meant that I started talking with Jesus more about how I was feeling and how overwhelmed and alone I felt. Then, it meant I started working out and bettering myself physically, which led to me bettering myself emotionally, which then put me back on track with feeling like the confident and driven woman that I "used to be". See, working out releases endorphins and those little babies can help your mood...like a lot. Working out brought my husband and I closer at a time when I felt very distant from my life in general. Then, once I started feeling better, I started seeing myself differently. Once I started seeing myself differently, I started truly caring for myself and my appearance again. Not so that others would approve {ha! I don't really care what you think-love me or hate me}, but so that I could feel like ME again.

Do any of you relate to that sentiment? I think the reason I'm so on fire about this is because quite frankly {and I might get backlash for this}, I'm sick and tired of hearing moms say that they "don't have time for themselves." Since when did that become the norm? Since when do we just not care about how we look or how we spend our time anymore? Since when do we just let ourselves go and only give, give, give to everyone else? That's not how it was even 30 years ago. It must be a millennial mindset to just "settle" and let life happen. I really think that's an unhealthy mindset and I truly in my heart of hearts believe that EVERY women, mom or not, wants to feel good with herself. Sure, I understand we all have different circumstances and some of us have like a bajillion little people running around making the whole "caring for oneself thing" seem much easier for someone like me with just one kiddo. HOWEVER, whether you have 18 or 2 kids at home, YOU matter. You were YOU before they were THEY. Does that make sense? We can have both, we don't have to choose, contrary to popular belief these days.

We, as women claim that we don't have time for ourselves, when that's just not true. {OMG, no I just didn't!} Ladies, it's not that we don't have the time, it's simply that we don't make the time. I'm about to drop a bomb...I love makeup. Shocking, I know. For me, taking 15 minutes to get my hair semi-tame and my fresh face on gives me just the time and boost that I need to feel like me. Like the Chelsea-me, not just the mom, wife, housekeeper, dinner-cooker, laundry-doer, bath-giver, butt-wiper, booboo-kisser, so on and so forth-me. I want to always keep a part of the Chelsea-ME, and I know how important it is to do that, especially after coming from that place I was two years ago.  I stopped making excuses, and now I find a way EVERY DAY to make time for me. It's not only important for me, but it's important for my family that I make ME a priority. In my case, it just so happens that a fun lipstick or a cute outfit does the trick for me. For you,  it might be a 5 minute makeup routine in the morning, or a 2 hour shopping trip alone, a walk outside, a hot cup of coffee during nap time, or even changing from nighttime leggings into daytime leggings {haha, don't lie}. No matter the means, if you really want it, you'll find a way to make it happen. And I'm here to challenge all the moms to stop making excuses for why you "can't", and just do it already. Heck, even just showering every day does wonders for your mood...so maybe start there. ;)

It's that TIME of year...

A watch is a mom's best friend. I don't think that's an actual saying, but it totally should be. I don't know about y'all, but I HAVE to wear a watch. Does this guarantee I'm on time? Um.....no. Does it help me keep track of exactly how many minutes behind I am? Yes. I absolutely cannot go without a watch, ever. I have many watches; different styles, sizes, colors, faces, etc. I change my watch depending on my outfit, don't judge me. So I was pleasantly surprised when I got my JORD Watch in the mail and realized not only is it the perfect size for my itty bitty wrist because they were able to size it before they even shipped it (!!!), but the face on it is gorgeous and the detailing of it literally matches every outfit. Best watch everrrrr!

JORD watches come in a variety of wood tones with different size faces and bands. AND, they aren't just for women! No, no! They make men's and women's watches! These watches are well made and fit so nicely. They're not only practical, but they are super stylish! I literally think anyone can rock a watch like this! The gold tones in mine is what drew me in. I have been really drawn to gold accessories lately, so the dark wood band mixed with the gold details in the watch face were perfection. I just really think my watch is so unique, like it's not something you'd see everyday. Cool watch= cool mom...or something like that. If you want to view my watch specifically, click here. Another great feature is the closing mechanism. It closes from both sides to insure a secure close. That baby isn't going anywhere {see below}!!

I may never be on time even with a watch this awesome, but hey, at least I look super stylish when I show up 10  15 30 minutes late. Lucky for you, you have the chance to win a $75 e-gift code to get yourself a watch like this. The contest runs through October 9th at midnight. All you have to do to enter to win is click HERE and enter your name and e-mail address. THAT'S IT! Hold up, sound too good to be true? It gets better, ALL entrants will receive a $20 e-gift code just for entering the giveaway, even if you don't win! How awesome is that?! Hop on to the website listed HERE to view all of the watches available for purchase. 

This is my newest staple in my fall wardrobe. Be prepared to be seeing it a lot. ;) Now go back up there and enter the giveaway (because entering is easier than making a cup of coffee), then go buy yourself a pumpkin, or at the very least some pumpkin spice coffee. <3

It's All In Your Perspective, Really.

Life is a series of changing how you do + think about things. What's the saying, "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade". Well, I'd like to challenge that. Just because life gives you lemons doesn't mean you need to immediately turn them into something sweet like lemonade. Perhaps, life {or God} gives us lemons to make us appreciate the process of turning lemons into lemonade. Lemons are sour. Lemons aren't generally most people's first choice in fruit, at least not when eaten alone. {If you're reading this and you love lemons by themselves, then you're the minority, but GO YOU!} See lemons taste better when paired with other things, like on tacos, or fish, or when mixed with sugar to create a sweet lemonade. Lemons themselves are not bad, not at all. Sour? Yes, but not bad. This is much like the "lemons" in life. But how?

Life is a lot like a lemon in that it throws us some sour times and then it greets us with sweet times after the process of removing the sour is gone. I've been learning that just because I don't like lemons on their own doesn't mean I don't eat them and it certainly doesn't mean I just toss them aside. Life, like lemons, has handed me a fair share of troubles. Maybe not in terms of illness or miscarriage or chronic pain, like it has for many of you reading his, but it's given me quite a bit of emotional turmoil. My marriage has been through more than many of your marriages. My journey in motherhood has been different from most moms I know personally. My adjustment to stay-at-home mom life has been an unexpected journey. My constant struggle between fighting my selfish desires and giving up control has been much like a lemon: tough, difficult to peel without some tools, and sour to the core. But you know, much like a lemon, there have been seeds of hope scattered along the process of turning lemons to lemonade.

For the longest time, I made excuses for myself and others. I didn't always see the possibility of change occurring. I would question God. I would question myself. I would question life in general, as in, what is my purpose here? Then, when my marriage hit a really hard time, and when motherhood wasn't anything like what I expected, I wanted to toss every last lemon life handed me in the trash and just give up. I didn't want to expend the energy to view those lemons as a process of turning me into a better, wiser version of myself. I didn't want to use those lemons to change my perspective. But, like most things, just when you start thinking that you will never be able to change something, life throws you a curveball, or a reminder that changes your entire viewpoint, thus chasing the entire outcome.

Perspective is a powerful tool. Allow me to share with you some ways in which changing my perspective in a few particular areas of my life has in fact CHANGED my life:

1. Marriage. I used to think marriage was going to be easy and constantly fun. Then, I got married and I quickly learned that marriage ain't all lemonade. In fact, I'd say marriage is a whole lot of lemons, with the occasional lemonade thrown in there. I'm no stranger to admitting that marriage is hard. Marriage takes work...daily, hourly work sometimes.  My marriage has been put to the test on numerous occasions and I used to let that consume me and control me and my thoughts. So how has changing my perspective shaped how I approach marriage now? Instead of focusing on all of the things my husband does wrong or the qualities he does/doesn't possess, I have chosen to see him as a sinner, just like myself. I have chosen to love him in spite of his flaws and weaknesses, because you know what, I have them too, they just look differently. I have chosen to pursue him, even when I don't always feel pursued. I have chosen to love him and show him grace, even when I don't think he deserves it. Why do I do this? Because Jesus does this with us and I'm called to be like Jesus even when it's painful. My perspective of my husband greatly impacts how I treat him and how others perceive him. When my perspective is on honoring my husband and loving my husband in spite of his flaws, marriage doesn't seem so hard.

2. Motherhood. Again, much like marriage, I thought motherhood was going to be MUCH easier than it actually is. Motherhood has changed me forever. Want the raw, honest-to-God truth? In the beginning, I regretted becoming a mom. {Did I really just say that for the world to see and hear?} How dare this child take all of MY free time! How dare this child change my body shape and make it so hard to get back to how it was! How dare she make it so that her dad and I rarely get alone time! How dare she require so much attention that I no longer get to shower myself with attention! How dare she THIS or THAT. It was all in my perspective, my selfish, selfish perspective. How has changing my perspective made me a better mother? I have learned that SHE is God's tool to bring that selfishness out and replace it with selflessness. Motherhood has a way of doing that. Am I right? Once I stopped seeing all of the negative aspects of becoming a mother, I was able to see the richness that it brings. I am now able to view my daughter's extroverted personality as a trait that I love in her father. I see her carefree spirit and it makes me appreciate her innocence and her beauty. I see her smile first thing in the morning and it reminds me daily that God's mercies are new every morning. I'm able to see her love for me in the way she simply says "mommy". She brings a new joy to every day. My perspective has drastically changed as I've grown as a mother. Has it been easy? Heck no, but remember it's a process much like turning lemons into lemonade.

3. Self-love. I've not been shy about how I have struggled with body image since having Emerson. I used to berate myself when I'd look in the mirror. It got to the point, where I didn't see anything positive, only negative qualities. It wasn't until one day when Emerson wrapped her little arms around my leg and mumbled some little phrase about how she loved my leg, that I snapped back to reality. I sustained her. I carried her and I was able to bring her life into this world, something so many pray so desperately for. It was then that I changed my perspective. How did changing my perspective of myself change my life? I certainly wouldn't be able to change my body without putting in the effort, so that's what I did. For the past 6-8 months, I've tried to think of one positive thing about myself daily {many days it's the same thing on repeat, lately my makeup-haha}.  I now talk positively about myself TO myself and to my daughter. It's called self-love and I believe it's Godly because God has written that I am fearfully and wonderfully made, so I need to embrace that and preach it to myself. I now exercise regularly because it makes me feel confident. I wear makeup because it also boosts my confidence, not because I "need" it. I try to eat better because it helps me to feel like I'm making conscious choices to better myself in every way, plus it's important to my husband. Not to mention, by changing my perception of myself, I'm teaching my daughter that loving herself the way God made her is not only necessary, but healthy.

4. Calling. Teaching is a calling. I truly believe that not everyone can do it because it requires a lot of patience and endurance. I didn't quit because I lack those things, but because I felt called to stay home with our daughter. Thankfully, God opened the door for us in that regard. But, as you know, that brought with it many, many struggles both for me personally and for our marriage. It left me feeling a bit empty, unproductive, and lonely. For close to 2 years, I felt like I had no clue whether I'd ever be considered a professional again. Would anyone ever look to me and feel inspired like those kids did in my classroom? Would anyone ever rely on me to get things accomplished? Would anyone ever respect me in a professional setting again? I thought no, until I changed my perspective and found Younique. How has a new calling with Younique changed my life? I won't go into much detail, but Younique has enriched my life and renewed my spirit. Let me rephrase. Younique has changed my life as a mother, by allowing me to continue to stay home while also fulfilling my strong desire to impact others and make a difference. I feel my calling is teaching. I know it's what I was designed by God to do, that's never been a question. So, when I left the field of education, I felt lost. God changed my perspective on direct sales within days {what!} and brought me to this place, that has now put me in a leadership role. Yes, you read that correctly. It hasn't been long, but God has brought blessing upon blessing and has confirmed that He "knows the plans {he} has for me; a plan to prosper me and not to harm me, to give me a hope and a future." I have now gotten to a place within this company where I am building a team underneath me, like a real legitimate team. Ladies look up to me. I AM TEACHING THEM! Did I think that I would fulfill my calling through teaching business and makeup? UM NO! But you know what? The moment I believed in myself and told myself that I deserve to feel success, accomplishment, value, and productivity outside of motherhood is when everything changed. I decided to trust that God could turn lemons {in this case fear, anxiety, unproductiveness etc} into sweet, sweet lemonade. I feel a sense of pride in my business. I am teaching. I am helping others. I am making an impact, even when I don't see it. That is how changing my perspective has already changed my life from a professional standpoint.

God has taken lemon after lemon and He has used it to change me. He's used it to better me. He's used it to mold me into the woman I am right this minute. Three months ago, I would've never expected to be on this path; to be absolutely LOVING the fact that I get to stay home full time AND work {basically full-time} AND make friends AND earn income AND feel the most confident I ever have in myself, both externally + internally. Lemons don't always have to be made into lemonade. Sometimes lemons are just a tough time that lead to a lesson {or five} that lead to something so much sweeter than you ever could've imagined. It's all in your perspective, really. How can you change your perspective?

...But, I'm scared.

How many times have you had the intention of doing something only to let your fear squash you? Maybe you wanted to go for a dream, but you talked yourself out of it saying, "..but I'm scared". Or perhaps you wanted to reconcile a relationship or get something heavy off of your chest, but instead you buried it even further down and convinced yourself that you were too scared to carry it through.

I've been there. Honestly, I am there now. I am fearful that I will push friends away through the start of this new business, though honest to God, I want everyone just to feel the joy that this endeavor has brought to me. (It has already changed me SO much, but I digress). I am fearful because I know that I am not always a good mom or wife. I am fearful that my marriage goes into a really hard place more often than not. I am fearful of what people will remember for after I leave this earth. I am fearful that I doubt God's goodness sometimes. I am fearful of opening my big mouth and saying the wrong thing at the wrong time.  I am fearful that my stints with depression will creep back in and cripple me again, especially if we have more children. My list of fears is infinite and it would take me days to list them all. Perhaps, you can relate.

I have learned over the past few years, especially within the past two, that vulnerability is so much more powerful than "looking nice". What do I mean? Simply put, life is hard. Marriage is hard, HARD work. Friends require a lot of commitment and effort, sometimes more than I'm willing to give. Parenting is unlike any other thing I've ever experienced and while joyful, it is often overwhelming. Staying true to yourself, while also wanting to be liked can often be hard waters to navigate. Being honest with yourself and others, without fear of being judged, is growing increasingly more difficult as technology advances. See, so many of us (actually I'm willing to bet every one of us) struggles with one or multiple things on this list. It's just human nature. But lately, I've been VERY challenged on the idea of vulnerability.

I have always considered myself to be a pretty vulnerable, honest person. Do you agree with me on that? I don't really ever try to hide my struggles. I don't try to sugar coat things because honestly, hiding behind hard times is more work than sharing your hard things with others. What you see is 9 times out of 10 what you get with me. Notice I didn't say 10 out of 10. See, there are SOME things that are very difficult to open up about, especially when they involve other people that are close to me. But you know what? People are craving vulnerability. They are so hungry for it. They are attracted to it. Why? Because it busts open a door that's been bolted shut, it breaks down walls, and it builds relationships. Vulnerability is contagious, friends. It's usually not pretty; it's actually quite ugly most times, but sometimes that's just a risk you have to be willing to take. Peoples lives, marriages, kids, relationships, physical appearance, homes...all of that may look nice, but honestly, it's breaking our hearts. Social media and technology, while so helpful in many ways, have jaded our perception of reality. It puts a filter over real life. When I have an "ugly day" as I sometimes call them, I put a filter on my pictures. I may look like a hot mess, but toss a black and white filter over it and I'm good as new. Be honest, you know exactly what I'm talking about. In reality, I don't actually do that all that much, but my point is that THAT is how easy it is to "hide" the hard parts of our lives to keep others from truly seeing us. The struggles. The pain. The heartache. The doubt. The fear. Vulnerability and transparency are the only way to prove to ourselves and others that life isn't all rainbows + sunny days, and that even though we all suffer, we can suffer well, if we do it together.

Allow me to take off the filter for a minute and to go to a place of extreme vulnerability and fear: my marriage. Out of respect for my husband and the particular things we've experienced, I won't divulge too much information. But please don't mistake that for my trying to cover anything up because this is the opposite of that. My husband and I have been married for 6 years. In fact, we just went on a vacation to celebrate that milestone. Be real people, every day is a milestone when it comes to living with another person and trying to put their well-being above your own. Am I right? We had a spectacular wedding, an okay honeymoon (I had major food poisoning for most of it), and we have a beautiful home + daughter. We laugh. We cry. We work hard. But you know what? We argue...a lot, like probably at least once a day...at least. We don't like each other many times. We have deeply hurt one another both with words and deeds. We have been in the trenches and we've been tested + tempted more than I'd like to admit. Usually, we make up fairly quickly, but often we go to bed angry and stay that way for days, whether we admit to it or not. We may not have life altering illnesses, or tragic experiences, but we have ridden on an emotional rollercoaster during these 6 years. We have fought for our marriage every day. And honestly, there have even been days when staying committed to our vows was near impossible. We have suffered, sometimes one of us more than the other. We have made major mistakes and we have forgiven one another. We have called each other names and we have regretted it. We have walked out, only to walk back in realizing the hurt we've caused the other. And these are only a few things...

See? Vulnerability is awkward. It's uncomfortable in many ways. It's scary terrifying, actually. Being transparent with you, especially through a screen is almost harder than being transparent to your face. I can't read your reaction as you read through my words. I can't feel the emotion you feel as you scan the screen. I can't tell if you've been there or if you are secretly judging me. I don't know what you are thinking or feeling and that's a little scary for me. But, at the risk of ever appearing "fake" or like we have the "perfect life/marriage/child/appearance/etc", I want you to know that life happens to us every single day. Hard times hit when we least expect them. Temptations come and we succumb. No one ever promised to make life, let alone marriage, a walk in the park. Though some days, maybe a walk in the park wouldn't be such a bad idea. Even though I have like a katrillion social media sites, wonderful friends, a supportive husband, and a usually darling little girl, my journey through this life the past couple years has been far, FAR, far from perfect. It's been messy, really messy. It's been eye-opening. It's been life-altering, truthfully. I am a different person than I was just 3 years ago. Things have transpired both in myself as an individual and in my marriage that have deeply changed me and affected me. I have reached out to friends in ways I never have before. I have sought counsel and guidance and I have learned that trying to mask what's really happening in and to you does not positively influence you or those around you. If anything, the times I've been in my most vulnerable states have been the times when God has brought me the greatest encouragement. Whether that be through friendship, acts of kindness, reassuring words, a song, or a job opportunity (as of recently). I truly, truly believe that what connects us at the core is our ability to be vulnerable in our weakest moments. Never have I ever felt more connected to my friends, my husband, or my Savior than when I was at such a weak point that I was simply just unsure of what to do other than be vulnerable. It will always, always, always involve risk, but I have found that the reward has always been worth the risk, even if it's not the reward I was picturing. When we are transparent, we let people in. We encourage others in knowing that they are not alone. We trample walls that we didn't even know existed. When we are vulnerable with one another (even if it's just one person), we allow ourselves the freedom to just be; free from pressure, judgement, heartache and pain. When we share in that with others, a burden is lifted. Transparency is allowing yourself to suffer well with others even when all you can say is "..but, I'm scared".

Why We Can't Have Nice Things

Kids, am I right? Toddlers, to be specific. They are ruiners of all nice things. Couch cushions, kitchen tables, pillows, toys, dishes, and the worst in our case, rugs. Our poor rugs have been through hell and back between spills, dirt, pet hair and the like, they've just seen better days. I have been on the hunt for a darker rug for our living room for a while now. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE white everything, but I semi-regret buying a white patterned rug for the most used, high-traffic space in our home. While it's a beautiful rug + looks great in the space, it's just not practical or kid-friendly right now. When I saw an ad for Ruggable: The 2-Piece Rug System, I was intrigued. Why you ask? Because the first thing I noticed in the ad was that it said these rugs were MACHINE WASHABLE! How? How? How? Is this for real? Those were just a few of the thoughts that popped in my brain upon seeing them.

Well, I'm here to tell you, they're FOR REAL and they're just as awesome as they sound. I have a grey-ish brown patterned rug, which you will see below, from Ruggable now and let me just tell you, I am IN LOVE. I seriously want one for every room in our home. Here's how it works {prepare for your mind to be blown}:

The rug comes rolled like a standard rug. However, when you remove it from the packaging, it is two separate pieces: a rug pad that is black rubber latex on one side and a beige velcro-like material on the other side {it's what they call "Cling Effect"}, then the second piece is the patterned rug cover. Are you confused? Allow me to explain further through the use of pictures {if you're like me, you need visuals}.

Step 1: Lay the rug pad on the floor with the beige side up and the latex rubber side down.

Step 2: The cover is slightly larger than the rug pad, so start on one side of the rug pad making sure the cover is lined up straight {my husband did help me with this part}. You will want to leave an even amount of the cover to overhang on each side of the rug pad.

Step 3: Smooth the first part of the cover down to attach it well, then simply lift up the rest of the cover and lay it down smoothly over the rest of the rug pad.

Step 4 {finally step!}: Smooth down the rest of the cover with your hands until it's all evenly attached to the rug pad. When you're ready to wash it, simply pull off the top cover, throw it in the wash in cold water by itself using a mild detergent, then tumble dry it on low heat. Good as new!

Yep! It's literally THAT easy!!! So, to recap: YOU NEED THIS IN YOUR LIFE! But really, this rug is lightweight yet durable, safe on hardwood floors, and it has a MACHINE WASHABLE cover that easily separates from rug pad when needed. This is especially great for those with allergies/pets/kids because it helps reduce trapped dirt and allergens, which keeps the rug smelling and looking clean and fresh. It also uses Cling Effect technology allowing the cover and rug pad to stay in place without it slipping, sliding, or bunching. You won't need to buy any additional supplies to make sure it stays put. I have vacuumed, played/danced, and laid on this rug and it hasn't moved even a centimeter, so it's extremely family + pet friendly. Additionally, it's indoor/outdoor friendly and comes in a variety of sizes to fit the needs of your home! Our rug is a 5x7' area rug, but they offer sizes all the way up to 8x10', and down to a 3x5' accent rug. Every size fits in the washing machine,  the largest fitting in the machine much like king size bedding or blankets.

I cannot say enough positive things about Ruggable! Everything from their customer service to the quality and style of their rugs is just awesome. They have a variety of patterns and colors to choose from, ranging in price from $99 for a new rug cover up to $299.99 for the largest cover + pad. Aside from the fact that I can throw this is the wash, I love that I can change out the cover at any time. Knowing me and my tendency to switch up decor, I'll probably have a different cover next month. Joking! But, the fact that you can switch them out super easily for just $99 is a MAJOR perk! You can have a brand new rug by just switching out the cover.  Ruggable is available at select local retailers, but can be found online at the following sites: Home Depot, Kohls, Sears, Wayfair, Diapers and Ruggable. Also, you can find Ruggable on Facebook, YouTube, Instagram, and Pinterest.

So, do you think these rugs would be a good option for your family? They certainly have been for ours!

Disclaimer: I was compensated for this post. 

However, the opinions expressed within are 100% mine and 100% honest.