I Was Me Before They Were They

Women, especially moms, run themselves ragged caring for everyone else in their lives. We usually end up last in the assembly line of life. Kids, husband, job, house, meals...mom. I think it's amazing that we're so selfless, but I also think it's wrong to be selfless all the time. Allow me to explain.

Before I had children, I always spent time doing my hair, picking out a "cute" outfit, and doing my makeup. Every day, I would put myself together. I didn't do it for other people, I did it for me. I did it because it made me feel awesome. Then, I had Emerson and went into a spiral of depression that made me care very little about myself. It was a weird phase and one I hardly recognize as being real life. Mostly. because at the end of the day (or like half way through it, honestly) I was just too tired and emotional to care if my hair looked good or if I went out in anything other than yoga pants + a messy bun. I "lost myself" in that sense. If I'm being totally honest, I don't love the phrase "I lost myself" because I don't think you truly ever lose yourself, but for the sake of this post, that's the best way to describe it. I wasn't me for a while; maybe that's a better way to describe it. When I finally started on the up and up, I started caring for myself physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Motherhood took me on a wild journey the first year (shoot, some days I'm still hanging on for dear life), but I'm in a better place now and I attribute it to starting to care about ME. Selfish? Dare I say, NO WAY.

Why is it important to be a little selfish once you become a mom? Well,  simply put, you can't care for others until you properly care for yourself. For some that means a bath once a week to recharge, for others it means hitting the gym every day, and to some, it means locking oneself in the bathroom or closet to inhale a candy bar in 5 minutes so that you don't have to share. For me, it meant that I started talking with Jesus more about how I was feeling and how overwhelmed and alone I felt. Then, it meant I started working out and bettering myself physically, which led to me bettering myself emotionally, which then put me back on track with feeling like the confident and driven woman that I "used to be". See, working out releases endorphins and those little babies can help your mood...like a lot. Working out brought my husband and I closer at a time when I felt very distant from my life in general. Then, once I started feeling better, I started seeing myself differently. Once I started seeing myself differently, I started truly caring for myself and my appearance again. Not so that others would approve {ha! I don't really care what you think-love me or hate me}, but so that I could feel like ME again.

Do any of you relate to that sentiment? I think the reason I'm so on fire about this is because quite frankly {and I might get backlash for this}, I'm sick and tired of hearing moms say that they "don't have time for themselves." Since when did that become the norm? Since when do we just not care about how we look or how we spend our time anymore? Since when do we just let ourselves go and only give, give, give to everyone else? That's not how it was even 30 years ago. It must be a millennial mindset to just "settle" and let life happen. I really think that's an unhealthy mindset and I truly in my heart of hearts believe that EVERY women, mom or not, wants to feel good with herself. Sure, I understand we all have different circumstances and some of us have like a bajillion little people running around making the whole "caring for oneself thing" seem much easier for someone like me with just one kiddo. HOWEVER, whether you have 18 or 2 kids at home, YOU matter. You were YOU before they were THEY. Does that make sense? We can have both, we don't have to choose, contrary to popular belief these days.

We, as women claim that we don't have time for ourselves, when that's just not true. {OMG, no I just didn't!} Ladies, it's not that we don't have the time, it's simply that we don't make the time. I'm about to drop a bomb...I love makeup. Shocking, I know. For me, taking 15 minutes to get my hair semi-tame and my fresh face on gives me just the time and boost that I need to feel like me. Like the Chelsea-me, not just the mom, wife, housekeeper, dinner-cooker, laundry-doer, bath-giver, butt-wiper, booboo-kisser, so on and so forth-me. I want to always keep a part of the Chelsea-ME, and I know how important it is to do that, especially after coming from that place I was two years ago.  I stopped making excuses, and now I find a way EVERY DAY to make time for me. It's not only important for me, but it's important for my family that I make ME a priority. In my case, it just so happens that a fun lipstick or a cute outfit does the trick for me. For you,  it might be a 5 minute makeup routine in the morning, or a 2 hour shopping trip alone, a walk outside, a hot cup of coffee during nap time, or even changing from nighttime leggings into daytime leggings {haha, don't lie}. No matter the means, if you really want it, you'll find a way to make it happen. And I'm here to challenge all the moms to stop making excuses for why you "can't", and just do it already. Heck, even just showering every day does wonders for your mood...so maybe start there. ;)