My Why

So, by now you've probably seen my announcement that I'm entering the world of direct sales. Okay, wait don't stop reading, this is probably not going where you think it's going. Hold the phone! Chelsea, why the heck would you even consider entering that world?  Excellent question; one that I was asking myself just a few weeks ago.

Here's the thing, I have never been a big fan of any thing direct sales related...ever. I have multiple friends who sell for various direct sales companies and I honestly find the entire process a bit annoying. There, I said it. I find it annoying. Can you relate? I don't mean that my friends themselves are annoying, just the continuous ads and pictures and videos and pleas to buy. I just don't like being bombarded and I don't like feeling pressured. So again, you're probably still asking, "Chelsea, WHY then?"

You want to know why I've decided to jump on board with Younique? Well, honestly it's kind of a God thing. No! It's definitely a God thing. It's a God thing for many, many reasons, which I'll get to shortly, but it's also a God-thing because, y'all I'm still not a fan of direct sales even though I'm entering into that world. That doesn't even make sense, I know. It probably seems bit random to most of you, but please allow me to share this entire GOD THING because it's pretty cool in my opinion, and I think you'll tend to agree.

Let me begin by rewinding about 3 years. I started blogging and sharing our home updates with family and friends. It was nothing major + VERY low maintenance. Then, I encountered some site host problems and quit blogging for a while. Then, after Emerson was born + I "retired" from teaching {at least for now}, and I needed an outlet. I was suffering from some PPD and I was discontent. Enter my current blog, A Little Thrifty Chic. I started up again with a new site host + just took it slow. I wrote about motherhood, marriage, and everything in between, including some home decor projects + some very real struggles I had encountered as a new mom. Then, several months ago, I made the decision to take it all public. Like PUBLIC PUBLIC. I opened up our lives for everyone on Instagram + Facebook. SCARY!!!! It was a very bold move on my part, but I loved blogging and encouraging other people through the use of my experiences. I have received tremendous, tremendous feedback in the past 6 months and I am beyond grateful for everyone that shares in this world with me. It has truly become another little babe for me, except way less cute + cuddly {no offense to y'all}. Hey, at least this blog doesn't tell me "No, mommy". 

Anyway, let me back up just a smidgen again. Back in March or so, one of my Facebook friends, and a blog reader messaged me on Facebook. She actually went to college with my husband + they were in choir together, so she wasn't a complete random stranger. Anyway, she asked me if I'd ever heard of Younique and if I'd like to try some of their products. Specifically, she wanted me to try their 3D Fiber Lash Mascara + possibly share a review with my blog and IG readers. I loved the idea of trying out a new mascara because I'm always interested in trying out new makeup. {Makeup is a major hobby of mine when I'm not busy momming, blogging, decorating, or thrifting}. Unfortunately, at the time, doing a makeup review on my blog just didn't seem to fit with my content. I politely turned her down and she totally understood. She, being the super sweetheart that she is, said she wanted to send me a mascara anyway just because she loved my heart and my blog so much *a resounding "awwww"* and she thought I deserved it. Not another word was said about it and I had never encountered another Younique presenter until I found one on Instagram about a month later.

This particular presenter is named Allie. I took a free makeup class on Facebook through her Younique group and it was amazing. I learned so many fun makeup tips and tricks. We even discussed my possibly ordering the makeup. The girl was talented and I was hooked. She was so helpful, but it just wasn't in the budget and I knew it. I couldn't support her business at the time because I just couldn't afford it right then. Fast forward a month or two and now we're in July 2016. Allie randomly sent me a message on IG about Younique. We talked for like an hour about the possibility of my joining her team of presenters and what it could mean for our family. You get the idea.

Well, not a day later, Lindsay and I were in communication again. Coincidence? I think not. One thing led to another and I just knew that God was calling me to this company. There had been too many signals for me to ignore. There were no persuasive arguments from either girl. No begging me to join. No begging me to buy anything. Just honest, real conversations about life and goals. I knew that I was being torn in two directions. On the one hand, Allie is extremely successful with the company and is such a sweet, sweet woman. We share a lot of similarities in our lives. Then, Lindsay is also extremely successful and is a newer presenter in the company {when compared to Allie}. Lindsay and I just really clicked + I immediately just felt an instant bond with her. I felt like I'd known her my entire life. We talked for days! I prayed hard for days and days. I really didn't want to jump into anything {especially direct sales} without a clear peace about it. There were little signs everywhere I turned and I just KNEW that God was telling me to TRUST HIM and take a leap of faith. I am NOT a risk taker, so I knew that doing this was going to be a true test of my faith. I was scared.

You've probably determined that I decided to take on Lindsay as my sponsor, meaning she's my go-to gal. My teammate. My encourager. My teacher. My friend. I told her that I wanted in and that I was scared to death. I was scared of what other people were going to think about me. I was scared of failing. I was scared of being completely clueless when it comes to business. I had {have} lots of fears. When I look back at the entire journey of my blog and how it's come this far, I can't help but think that God was strategically planning my future. He knew all along that this opportunity would present itself. He knew that I would border trusting in ME or trusting in HIM. He knew that I would need a network of people online in order to be successful. He knew that I would need loving, encouraging, supportive friends and family to make this business a reality. I'm honestly just in awe of how He has orchestrated this entire thing. This is how I KNOW that Jeremiah 29:11 is absolutely truth. "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you, to give you a hope and a future."

Let me reiterate: I AM SCARED and I HAVE LOTS OF FEARS in starting this business. Those have not magically disappeared just because I feel like I've followed God's lead. I kind of feel like I'm walking off a cliff, actually, but I'm also confident that He is able to do more than I can hope or imagine. I posted my very first video this morning announcing this endeavor and I had major anxiety immediately after I posted it. I have already had many people "unfollow" me on Instagram, I imagine because they fear what I fear....annoyance. But, on the other hand, I have had so many people wish me the best in this new adventure, and others who have expressed interest in the makeup + others yet, who have already joined my Facebook group to be a part of my launch on August 2nd, which obviously I would love for EVERYONE to join, but I get it. It's not for everyone, so NO PRESSURE!!! :)

I'm writing this tonight, not as a ploy to make you suddenly interested in this makeup. I'm not trying to recruit you. I'm not trying to make you think anything of me, good or bad. I am simply writing to share with you my WHY for doing this. I am doing this because I feel like I am being called to this, truly. I never in a million years saw this for myself. I am doing this because I want to contribute financially to our family again. I want to do this because I love makeup and I love encouraging others, and those two together is like two of my worlds colliding in a powerful way. I am doing this for many reasons, which I don't expect everyone to understand. I am doing this to conquer fears that have lived inside of me for a long time. I am doing this because on January 1st of this year I made a resolution + a promise to myself that I would say YES to things that make me uncomfortable, within this year specifically. God has certainly challenged me on that. I have already conquered one of those resolutions in the form of regular, consistent exercise + nutrition. Now, I have to prepare myself to conquer this one. This fear of rejection. This fear of failure even though I know I have what it takes to be successful.

So, I ask that you please support me. Don't leave me in the dust because you think I'm suddenly going to hunt you down and follow you begging you to buy from me, watch me, like me. I NEVER want to be that person. I'm going to continue being Chelsea. I'm going to continue blogging with my usual content. You may see a couple extra selfies here and there on your news feed, but honestly, I just want to share some things I love with you, in hopes that maybe you'll love them just as much. I am just anxiously awaiting what the Lord will do. I know His plans are far greater than mine and that makes me so hopeful.  Thank you guys again for constantly supporting and encouraging me. You will never know how truly thankful I am for you all. XO!

If you are interested in joining my launch party group, click here! :)

Growing Where You Are Planted

Grow where you are planted.

You've heard the phrase a thousand and one times. It's an inspiring quote that is so applicable to motherhood and marriage, yet nearly impossible to implement, it seems. I have been stewing over it for the past week or so, unable to shake the application to my life lately.

Life is hard, but just because it can be hard doesn't mean it's bad. {Another great phrase} Let's compare it to motherhood, shall we?

Carefree, living's easy {relatively} and you're not responsible for anyone but yourself. Then, you become a mother. Life changes instantly. Life gets hard. Damn hard. It can appear as though it's all bad in the moment, but it's not, or so I've had to convince myself on numerous occasions.  I don't need to go into detail about all of the ways that children change our lives. I think we can all agree that it just happens {to varying degrees for different people}. For me, it was like being hit by a mack truck, but that's a story for another day. For some, it's utter joy. For others, entering motherhood is a long-awaited journey now filled with hope and  fulfilled desires. For many, it's suffering and for few, it's devastating. Yet, motherhood has a way of growing you. Changing you. Bettering you by often breaking you down.

We are a selfish people. FULL OF OURSELVES, actually. Motherhood changes all of that. Not to say that moms shouldn't be a little selfish at times {hello, I still need a couple hours a day to myself or to pee alone}, but having children {biological or not} changes you as a woman. Your needs are no longer the top priority most days. That's a hard pill to swallow, especially as a new mama, though I'd imagine it's equally as hard being the Duggar mom too. I'm now at the {almost} two year mark into motherhood, not including pregnancy. You know what, let's include pregnancy because that whole phase isn't easy either, so almost three years. Okay, three years in and here's what I've learned about growing and changing:

Growth is gradual, it's not instant.

Growth is intentional.

Growth is life-changing.

Growth is progress, even when many times it feels like defeat.

Growth is hard.

Growth takes work and is often most visible in times of weakness.

Growth is necessary.

As a mother, I have certainly evolved. I am far less uptight than I was even 6 months ago. I have learned the importance of letting go and letting God {though I'm still a control freak, so I'm a continual work in progress here}. I have accepted that some days just suck and that's just how it is; it doesn't mean I'm a horrible mother or that I have the worst child on the planet. It just means that my perspective and my attitude have a lot of control on just how sucky I allow the day to be. I have learned that discipline is far more difficult than I imagined and it is required far sooner than I'd anticipated. I've learned that loving someone so immensely is both invigorating and exhausting. I've learned that true quality time with my spouse is invaluable. I've learned that just when you've figured out one thing, life throws another curve ball in there. Nothing about motherhood is easy, except maybe accepting that growth is going to happen and sometimes in the unlikeliest of ways.

Two years ago, I had a baby and my husband started a second job. He worked non-stop {and I mothered non-stop}. I was bitter. I was full of resentment and fear. I felt alone. I was not in a good place as a woman or as a wife. I was actively trying to keep growth and change from happening. Now almost two years later, I can see how my need to control was getting in the way of what God was trying to accomplish in me and in my marriage.

God broke me down, so that I would recognize my need for his grace, his mercy, his comfort, and his love. I fully believe that God allows us to venture into the valley's sometimes, in order to show our need for him. As a mother, so much is out of my control. The biggest growth I've experienced since Emerson arrived is the simple understanding that God holds me in the palm of his hand and has a far greater plan for my role as "mom" and "wife" than I could ever possibly understand. It has taken me two years to understand that I don't need to control everything in order for things to "go right", even when that means the outcome isn't as I'd originally pictured. Sometimes life is chaotic and that's where growth happens.

I've finally realized that this place where God has me planted, in this constantly changing season of life, I am growing. Sometimes I love it and other times, I hate it, but I am changing in ways that will benefit me, my daughter, and my husband. I am becoming more like Christ, and that is a burden I'm willing to bear.

Watch and See

As I sit here staring at my computer screen, my fingers literally can't keep up with the speed at which my brain is moving. I have SO much to tell you guys, but so little arm strength currently. Why? Well, I worked out my arms + shoulders today...H A R D, and I'm incredibly sore already. Tomorrow isn't looking promising. Additionally, I told my husband that I'm officially becoming a "gym rat" {ha ha ha ha, I literally can't say or read that without laughing hysterically} because I have callouses on BOTH of my hands from lifting weights! I never thought I'd see the day. Okay, enough gym talk though because honestly I'm NOT a gym rat by any means AT ALL, and that's not why I'm writing today.

So you want to know what's racking my brain? This blog. My Instagram. Giveaways. Blog collaborations. DIY projects. Business opportunities within each of those things. You guys! God is doing big things right now for my creative side. He is opening doors that I didn't even know existed. 

Let me back up and explain how all of this came to be.

Most of you know that prior to Emerson's arrival on the scene, I was a 3rd grade public school teacher. I loved it, but there were many signs it was time for me to go a different route, and it just so happened that I got pregnant and that was the ULTIMATE sign. After having Emerson at the end of the summer 2014, I lost myself. I went into a deep spiral of emotion and negativity that I was unfamiliar with up until that point. As a fresh mama dealing with some serious postpartum depression, I was desperate for an outlet. I wasn't asking God for help, certainly not as much as I should've been, but God literally threw an "outlet" {in the form of a job opportunity} in my lap. It could not have come at a better time, honestly. I had Emerson in August 2014 and started this job in November 2014. I worked for a non-profit organization for a little over a year as a site coordinator and lead tutor in an elementary school. It was right up my alley, until I suddenly lost my passion for it. I can't really explain what flipped the switch, but I just knew that I wasn't the person for the job anymore. I made a rather rash decision to quit early last month before the spring semester really kicked off with the public schools, and after much discussion and prayer, I decided leaving the position was the right thing to do. My boss was very understanding and I felt at peace about it. 

>> Fast forward about a week >> 

With all this new found "extra" time, I began doing some more DIY/decor stuff around the house. I also started blogging a bit more {mind you, I still have a toddler with me all day, so most of this happens during her nap or after she goes to bed at night}. It ignited a fire in me that's been missing for a long time. I started getting major responses to my blog all of a sudden, and the recent projects that I've posted to IG were {SOMEHOW} gaining popularity/views, so I decided to research how I could gain more of a following to perhaps turn this passion for writing and decorating into a "job" of sorts. I read articles and blog posts and statistics about building your blog, how to write a good "about me" page to draw people in, what hashtags to use to bring in likeminded people, and how to capture an audience. Though, my focus wasn't really on what to write about, so much as it was how to get it out there to those people that would enjoy it's content. I contacted other bloggers, other moms {both friends + complete strangers on social media}, and I began asking questions about how they got started and how they continue to build their community of followers.

I stepped outside of my comfort zone on SO many levels. Sure, I love to talk, but I'm not one to ask strangers for their opinion. But, one of my goals for this year {ironically} has been to say "YES" more to things or situations that would normally make me uncomfortable. One of those has been to consistently exercise, and another has been to expand this blog {by means of my Instagram account mostly}. I'm a pretty private person, outside of this blog, but for some reason this blog is SUCH an outlet for me. It allows me to encourage others {hopefully}, while also build relationships and share my heart. I have built a following here and on Instagram, especially over the past month, and it just brings joy to my heart to know that people care enough about what I'm saying/showing them to keep coming back time and time again.

All that being said, within the past week alone, you've probably noticed that I've been very active on Instagram with posting my house projects and whatnot. This is due partly to the fact that I'm proud of them + how they turned out {and I hope to inspire others to do things to their homes that make them love being there}, but also because I love sharing in the community that enjoys projects and mommy-dom as much as I do. I say this next part not to brag or put myself on a pedestal, so please don't misread this, but I have gained 100 followers in one week! You guys, that's crazy to me!! Maybe it's not a big deal to most, but to me, it's a r e a l l y big deal. This week alone, I have been asked to host a giveaway {which helps to get your name out there to others in the community who love the things that you love}, to be featured on 2 other blogs by bloggers MUCH more popular than myself, AND I've received the most loving and encouraging comments on things that I've done, made, or written. I've been asked by 2 different people to create things for them based on something I created for our home. From the bottom of my heart, I am so grateful. Words of encouragement is definitely a love language of mine, so your words mean MORE THAN YOU KNOW. 

I am convinced that God is opening doors for me through this blog and through my Instagram account. I don't know if it will turn into a business venture or remain strictly a hobby, but one thing I do know for sure {and I realize that it sounds slightly ridiculous to say this} is that my "platform" {for lack of a better term} here with this blog + on my IG account, is confirming in my heart that God knows me far better than I know myself. And that His plans are greater than mine.  I believe that He knows my heart and my deepest desires. He knows how much I long to create and inspire others through doing what I love, writing and DIY'ing. I know that He has closed several doors in the past to open one that's far greater. I don't know what the future holds for me in regards to all that I've mentioned here today, but I'm so hopeful and excited to see how God uses me and this platform to further His work and His name. I know he'll keep me humble through it too. He's good at that!

Ps. In case you missed it and/or you don't follow me on Instagram {I forgive you, but seriously, go now}, here's a a DIY that I did yesterday for our mudroom. I posted about how I was planning to hang a sign over our mudroom door. It's a super quick DIY wooden sign that I created freehand using a ruler + a black SHARPIE. :) I love how it turned out, especially for it being my first one {the "O" was a little bigger than I'd planned, but OH well. ha!!}. I surprised myself with this one, honestly.

Thank you again for all of the love and all of the encouragement as I continue this journey, that's still somewhat unfamiliar territory to me. I am eagerly learning and waiting for what God is going to do. If you're a faithful follower and/or you've ever sent me love in the form of a text, email, call, message, comment, or any other form, T H A N K Y O U! You will never know how much I appreciate it. Stay with me and let's see where He takes it...

Creamer, Hold the Coffee: from then to now

I love coffee. Now. I used to hate it, until I discovered coffee creamer. Creamer was made for me. I have tried to nix it on multiple occasions, but I just can't do it. It's kind of like every time I try to drink a beer {besides anything lime or grapefruit-flavored}, it just ain't gonna' happen. I'm just a 'creamer, hold the coffee' kind of gal.

Between the creamer and the sugar I put in my coffee, I'm surprised I haven't keeled over yet. It wasn't until just recently that I started measuring out my creamer + sugar, to moderate how much I actually put in. Did you know that 1 tablespoon of the all-natural creamer has 35 calories. I was probably using 3-4 tablespoons. Lord have mercy, I just had no idea! And no, I'm definitely not "counting calories", I just happened to look at the actual container recently and saw that. I was a little stunned.

With all that being said, it comes as no surprise that I'm a tad "overweight" for my age and height. No really, I went recently for an OBGYN appointment, and of course, the first thing they want to do is weigh you. Well, it was approximately negative 30 degrees the day I went for my appointment, so I was layered up more than a whale has blubber. Picture it. Much like the kid in A Christmas Story walking down the sidewalk with nothing but eyeballs exposed.

I stepped on the scale, only to step back down while begrudgingly looking at the nurse, as I said "wait, should I shed some of my layers first, you think?" To which her reply was, "I mean, if you really want to...". Well, for no apparent reason {other than her tone}, I felt ridiculously stupid for saying that and stepped back on the scale FULLY LAYERED. She moved the little dial on the scale {you know the kind that's at every doctors office that you have to manually move back and forth}, and then she KEPT MOVING IT. Like, at one point it got to the end of the scale, so she had to add another weight. *INSERT MAJOR EYE ROLL HERE* She didn't even tell me my weight, but no need lady, I saw it because it was only a super drawn out freaking process.

If you're like my mom, you're saying "PUH-lease, you are NOT overweight, Chelsea." According to my blunt {but yet, utterly amazing} OBGYN, I am. I really mean it, she's amazing. She is also a midwife, and she delivered my gorgeous baby girl, so I kind of have a girl crush on her {even though she's old enough to be my mom}. Anyway, after she got done with the lady business portion of the appointment, she looked at the computer, then looked at me, then looked back at the computer and said "Wait a minute. This says you weigh _____, but that's how much you weighed the last time we weighed you pregnant at 40 weeks." To this, I really didn't know what to say. I knew she wasn't trying to be ugly, and sadly, I knew she was right. She may have been as legitimately as confused as I was. Except, truth be told, I wasn't that surprised. I, of course, blamed my birth control. HAHA. She very bluntly, but as nicely as could be said, "Whatever girl, just watch your portion size. Baby girl isn't taking those calories anymore, remember?". Yeah, yeah whatever {with a twist}!

I lost all of my baby weight within 1-2 weeks of having Emerson. Literally, t w o weeks, max. That's insane {and that's also what no sleep, nursing, and the onset of PPD will do to you}, I get that. I kept it off for a good while and then, nursing sessions started slowing down. Emerson started eating actual people food and mama started finishing what she didn't. Because let's be honest, who has time to PREPARE and then eat a nice, healthy meal when caring for a babe 'round the clock.  Goldfish, cheerios, and mac-n-cheese became staples for me. When I stopped nursing, I never really cut back on my portion size for regular meals though, and I stopped being "as worried" about my nutrition because it was no longer affecting Emerson. That's when the weight started to sneak back on in various places. Okay fine, YES it went to my hips. And my belly. And my butt. And my face. But who's keeping track?

So what's changed between now and then? Honestly, I saw a picture of myself from a few months ago and I was flabbergasted, not because I was of whale-ish proportions or anything, but because I just didn't look like myself to me. My face was rounder, my hips were definitely wider, and my mid-section. Ha, well let's not even go there. It was time to face the facts. I wasn't taking care of me. Sure, I'd tried at-home workouts and even a nutrition plan, and it worked great for like 2-3 weeks, but then life "got in the way", or at least I made myself believe that it was getting in the way. There's no way that it was MY FAULT I couldn't keep up with it all. {sarcasm} I stopped making my nutrition and my health a priority, and as a result I was slipping farther and farther away from where I wanted to be both in terms of my health and my overall appearance.

Insert my lifeline here.

Shortly before Christmas this year, my husband came home from work telling me about how OneLife Fitness {where he works out} was now honoring the deal that he gets for being a firefighter {free membership as long as he goes 8x per month} for spouses of firemen. H O L D  T H E  P H O N E. We'd been discussing me joining the YMCA anyway, but compared to the $93 price tag they wanted for just Emerson + I, the free membership to OneLife plus a 20 minute drive was a no-brainer. AND, they have childcare, which they gave to us at $10 a month. Honestly, no where can beat that price right now. So, long story short, we went the next day and I joined and took a tour. I have been going ever since. It's been about a month now since I started and I LOVE going. Not only does it make me feel empowered, sexy, and strong, but it helps me sleep better, helps me eat better, a n d let's not forget, the 2 hours of childcare provided. H E L L O! That's 2 hours kid-free {love you E!} where I get to just be ME! I saw a shirt the other day that said "This is my happy hour #gym". I love that because it's true.

I love that it's something Trey + I can do together occasionally too. Don't let him lie. He apparently "snapped" or snap chatted, whatever it's called {I don't have snapchat}, a picture of me on the elliptical the other day that said "when bae goes to the gym with you". It was all in good fun and I had no idea he took it. What it didn't show though, was the 45+ minute workout I had done with weights and circuit training machines prior. I have used the elliptical TWICE in a month. Anyway, that's not really the point, the point was to tell you that I totally caught him staring at my butt as I was walking away from him after he'd helped me navigate some new equipment. SO, HA! Mama's still got some of it, at least as far as my backside is concerned. ;) Plus, as of today, I've lost 5 pounds and I feel great with so much more energy, so all in all, I'm very happy. I figure if I can continue to curb my eating habits {i.e. creamer overload, sugar + unnecessary carbs}, then I think by summertime, I'll be well on my way to a much healthier and fit me! Even this little bit of progress makes me anxious to see what the future holds. Also, shout out to my bae {ha!} for holding me accountable in a loving way; means a lot to me!

Post workout selfie.
Finally, got to the gym today after being home with a sick little girl all week.

I'm curious to hear how you guys curb your cravings? I literally stopped buying sweets because the only way I won't eat them is if they're no where to be found. How else do you keep yourself on track? Thanks for sharing in this journey with me. XO!

Like Ships in the Night

It was an occasional bicker here and there. It was an infrequent "Not tonight babe, I'm just too tired". It was a rare thing for us to have tension before our baby was born. In fact, the 9-10 months leading up to Emerson's arrival were some of my favorite times together as husband and wife. We'd bond over just staring at my belly moving. We'd talk for hours about what she'd look like, sound like, act like. We would sing to her, and make things for her.  Then, she came. Everything we'd been hoping for and dreaming of was FINALLY here, or so we thought. Truth is, what she brought with her is something I'd never expected.

Arguments, long and brutal arguments. Too many "Not tonight babe, I'm just WAY too tired's" (both from an overworked husband and a new, exhausted momma). Resentment. Anger. Frustration. Crazy work schedules. Lack of time. Lack of friendships. All of those (and many more) are things that came along with having our beautiful daughter. Marriage after baby, though very joyful in many ways, has been H.A.R.D. Can anyone relate? This post has been a long time coming. The topic has been on my heart for a while, and I recently had two different friends come to me about the struggles they've had in their marriages since adding a baby (babies) to the mix, and it just seemed like an appropriate time to write about it, so here goes...

Marriage is awesome in a lot of ways, but marriage is also very difficult in other ways. Marriage with kids is a whole new level of tough. It's like a level in a video game (don't ask me how I know this) that is impossible to beat, yet you spend hours and hours and hours trying to beat it. Marriage post-baby is a lot more "work" than I anticipated. Apparently, that's not an uncommon thought amongst our married-with-kids friends. (I'd be willing to bet this rears its ugly head in every household with children at SOME point, but if you have managed to escape it, then share your secrets and keep on keepin' on!)

What gets me is why doesn't anyone talk about just how tough married life is going to be after you have a baby? Why doesn't anyone give advice on how to keep your marriage a priority after a little human being comes along? Why was I so clueless that keeping our romance alive was going to require so much additional work than before? Why do I always have so many questions?

Ironically, I made a "date night jar" while I was pregnant, and Trey + I agreed that we'd utilize it once Emerson arrived. I think I read an article somewhere about how life changes a lot when you have a baby. OHHHHH, clearly I didn't understand it then. We had never really needed a "date night" jar before Emerson arrived, because we were pretty good about being intentional with each other...usually. I like to think the jar was my way of preparing for "marriage post-baby". Ask me if we've ever used it. in the 13 months of her life. Yikes, that's actually embarrassing to admit (granted we have been on a few dates, just not using the jar). 

Here's the thing: My husband and I have always been pretty different, aside from both being extremely stubborn and competitive, we don't have a ton in common. He likes football, I could care less (except I do like watching Clemson-he rubbed off on me). He likes beer, I like wine. He likes working out, I do...not. He's extroverted, I'm more introverted. He hates projects, I love them. He works a lot, I parent a lot. He is rational, I tend to be more emotional. You get my point; we're very different. Our differences have never seemed to be too much of an issue until this year. Like lately, our differences seem really hard to navigate, as in a lot of times, they're all that I can see. Like when he comes home sweaty after working out at the gym ALONE for hours to me sweating equally as much, but only because I've been chasing a toddler the entire time he's been gone. Or how he likes to tell me about things that happen at work with various people, and I, in an effort to feel somewhat validated, respond with something related to what Emerson did or didn't do that day.

We try to connect once Emerson is in bed at night, but honestly half of the time I'm nodding with empathy as he describes his days/nights at work, thinking to myself how there's no way in H-E-double hockey sticks I can relate to what he's saying.  He claims he understands how overwhelmed I must get at times caring for Emerson around the clock when he works days and days and days (and nights) in a row, but does he really understand? He isn't here a majority of the time, therefore there's no way he truly understands, hard as he may try.  It's lonely being me sometimes. It's frustrating being me. It's exhausting being me. WOE IS ME!

And, I crave him. I crave him like never before. I desperately miss our marriage pre-baby days. I want us to feel connected, and I want us to spend alone time together every day, but the reality is that that simply isn't an option these days. Due to his work schedule and my consumption of all things Emerson-related, we have become independent of one another, somewhat unknowingly. Again the irony of it all is that in trying to do "what's best for our family", we've lost a big piece of us. Our responsibilities have shifted and our lives have segmented themselves past the point of daily connection. Of course, we meddle in each other's lives daily, but it's just not like it used to be. He will put Emerson to bed when he's home. He will play with her and feed her and bathe her, so that I can clean up, or cook, or catch half of a television show without interruption. But despite us supporting each other in our parenting efforts, we are still like two ships in the night, sailing right past one another. When we're together just the two of us, it's usually enjoyable, but we rarely engage one another on a deeper level; on a level that needs to be reached. Let's be real honest here, our "engaging" usually revolves around a quick dinner at the table, then a joint bowl of ice-cream and a 30 minute tv show. I'm not complaining about though, because that, is better than nothing. It's really something special when our phones aren't involved, too. Don't pretend...you know EXACTLY what I mean.

This all sounds so dramatic and so painfully pathetic. Truth is, while I'm not intending to be dramatic, it is just that. Raising babies and keeping two adult lives + a relationship in tact is not easy. It takes hard work. It takes real, nitty-gritty commitment. Sometimes that commitment means continuing to swim upstream, when all you want to do is float and cruise downstream. Kids or no kids, marriage requires two people loving each other for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, IN GOOD TIMES AND IN BAD. Like I said, HARD WORK. I understand our marriage vows better now than I ever have before. So, thanks baby girl. ;)

I guess I wrote all of that to say, rest assured that if you feel like you are the "only one" that feels like your marriage is weak at the moment, or if you feel like you aren't doing enough, or if you feel like adding a baby was both the greatest and the worst thing you could've done to your relationship...you're not alone. One thing that I have learned since having a baby is that anytime I find myself feeling like "I'm the only one" that struggles with this or that, the opposite is  usually true. Nine times out of ten, God places someone or something in my path at exactly the right time to reassure me that indeed I am NOT alone in my fight. Sometimes, it's a friend (this has been especially true for me recently). Sometimes, it's a bible verse or a blog post/article. Sometimes, it's a stranger. And albeit, sometimes, it's my own spouse. You know, that one man that I pass in the night? Yeah, sometimes he's better for me than I ever thought possible. Even though we aren't always aboard the same ship, I know that amidst all the work craziness, the kid stuff, and the day-to-day, we are traveling the same direction, we just have to be intentional about arriving there together.

My Struggle Is Real, Is Yours?

"What you need to hear (hell, what all parents need to hear) is that is OK to let the dishes stack up. It’s OK to be pissed at your significant other simply for having a life outside the house. It’s OK to loathe silly songs—I for one wish that the wheels on that damn bus would fall off. It is OK to miss the woman you were. Whether you worked outside the house or not doesn’t matter, everything changes when you become a mom, and when you stay at home, there is nothing to you aside from mom, or so it seems." (To read the full blog post, go here.)

I am having one of those days where I throw myself a pity-party. Maybe it's the fact that I broke one of my favorite candles + picture frames this morning, or it could be all the rain. ALL THE GODFORSAKEN RAIN! I have been cooped up in the house with my 1 year old now for close to a week. I mean, we've gone to the store, for a quick (misty) walk, and to my parent's a time or two, but we've pretty much spent 75% of our time inside our house for the last week. I think it has caused me to lose my mind, just a little. Don't get me wrong, I love a good rainy day or two, or at least I used to. Now that I have a child, rainy days aren't so great. It basically means no outside time, no walks, no in-and-out of the car multiple times if we need to run errands. Okay, that last one is only semi-true, but it's incredibly more cumbersome to get a 1 year old (or kids of any age still requiring a carseat) in and out of the car when it's raining. I attempted it the other day, and I'm still regretting it. By the time we got home, I looked like a scene out of a scary movie: hair stuck to my face-no point in using frizz control this time, mud all over my pant legs, a soaking wet diaper bag, and let's not forget the tearful child, who's puffs got carried away by the wind. Lord help us all.

I have to be honest, I still struggle from time-to-time with this whole 'mommy hood' thing. I can hear the veteran mom's now: "oh honey, you will struggle from now until the day you die". Noted...thanks.  I clearly expect struggle with this role I've been blessed with. YES, I said blessed. But Chelsea, aren't you writing about how much you are struggling with being a mom? I have friends that would literally give anything to be in my position. I don't intend to be malicious towards those friends or towards anyone who is just head over heels in love with motherhood. I'm sure there are some of you that couldn't imagine life without your little ones. Neither can I, only sometimes I can, selfishly. I think that's normal, though. I have to remind myself that when I start resenting my husband for having "a life outside the house", or when I start to become overwhelmed by the amount of housework that needs to be done, or when I simply start missing my days of independence (you know, the ones where the only person you really were responsible for was yourself), I have to snap out of it. On days (or weeks) like these, it is so easy for me to wish away the time or to get lost in a time that will probably never be again. It is so easy for me to just want to leave the house and run away, far, far away. I obviously would never do that, especially not without Emerson. See, I'm already thinking about her and this is supposed to be a post about how sometimes I wish I didn't have to think about her. Don't judge me, you know you've had a similar thought at least once since having a baby.

I think mom's who stay home, and mom's who work have struggles. I do not think they have all of the same struggles, but they have struggles no doubt. Recently, I have really been jealous of my former self. How I have wished these past few days, that I could sleep in, watch endless amounts of mindless television, (can't believe I'm saying this, but) GO TO WORK, or even shop without having to rely on puffs + Barney, on my iPhone as a saving grace.  (Don't even get me started on the Barney thing...she loves that giant purple dinosaur and his annoyingly catchy songs). I find myself wondering "what would I be doing if...". Those thoughts tend to be dangerous for me. I don't resent my daughter in the least, or the choice I made to stay home with her. I am, however, a human being with real emotions, some of which lean on the side of jealousy. Jealousy of others, jealousy of my former self, jealousy of my husband/other working people because they get to be with other adults on a daily basis, jealousy of the seemingly easy-going spirit of other moms out there. You name it, I've probably been jealous of it (unless it relates to the loss of sleep, then I'm definitely not jealous). 

So, all of that to say, if you feel like mommy hood isn't always all it's cracked up to be, then you're probably feeling like most every other mom out there. Some days it just sucks being "mom" (note I didn't say "a mom"). Some days you just want to be "Chelsea" (insert your name there). Some days you get jealous of your spouse and his/her ability to come and go as they please because the little human is not as desperately attached to them (love you babe, really!!). And some days, you just want to remember what it's like to be without responsibility...just for a little while. THAT'S OKAY. You're not alone and you know what, the more you share your feelings, the less likely you are to get lost in them.  At least, that's how it is for me. Y'all know I'm all about putting things out in the open.

I feel better already. Maybe I have time for lunch, now that it's 3pm. Who am I  kidding? It's pouring down rain + it's looking like a dang tor-nada outside, so I've got the rest of the day to eat. Ha, again I kid, my child will want me to share anything that I try to consume. I guess you could say, she's helping me watch my weight. ;) Stay dry...

PS. If you're wondering why it looks like I highlighted this entire post, it's because I copied + pasted the first quote and for some reason, it highlighted the entire post + I cannot figure out how to undo it. So, sorry for that! :) Also, THANK YOU to anyone that has visited/followed my new IG shop or shared my previous blog post about it! I really, really appreciate it.

Gotta Start Somewhere

I'm a blogger failure. I get really into it for about a month and then fade off. Then an idea comes to mind that I'd like to write about, but reality is that I don't always have/make the time to write it down on paper (or realistically, type it out on the computer). I think that's okay though. I used to follow blogs that would post anywhere from once daily to 3-4 times a day and that's just overkill. Ain't nobody got time for that. 

I'm here today to say that I'm making progress on my fitness goals. If you follow me on IG or FB, you know that I started the Beach Body 21 Day Fix program 14 days ago and I am already seeing results. I haven't lost much weight, but I have lost close to 5 inches total so far (just from hips + thighs). I have been struggling because when I step on the scale, I don't see a decrease (well, not much of one anyway) and that is discouraging. But, my husband being the fitness extraordinaire that he is, reminded me that muscle weighs more than fat, so even though I'm not losing weight, that doesn't mean the program isn't working. *Sigh* Ahhh...thanks for the encouragement Hubs. I'm not here today to boast about my progress or anything, I simply want to state some of the other benefits I've seen from doing this program so far. This program includes a 30 minute daily workout and a nutrition plan that portions out your daily caloric intake to help you get the necessary nutrients your body needs, while helping you see the results you desire. It doesn't require me to give up foods I like necessarily, but it does limit the quantity of servings of each food group (carbs, protein, healthy fats, etc). My only cheat on a daily basis is my cup of ice-cream at night while I relax on the couch). Ain't nobody or no thang taking that away from me. Sorry, not sorry. I have even limited the amount of wine I drink on a weekly basis...the struggle is so very real, y'all. The stressed teacher and mother in me is screaming MORE WINE, NOW!

Reasons why I'm loving the 21 Day Fix:

1. It gets my day started. I wake up, change/nurse/read with Emerson, then I feed Emerson again (actual food this time), then I make myself something to eat + I workout. I try to workout either before or during Emerson's first nap of the day. If I don't do it first thing in the morning, it (for some reason) doesn't get done-I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that it has to do with my tiny human. Something about working out and sweating makes me feel more productive the remainder of the day. I don't get it, but it does.

2. I feel hotter, sexier, prettier....choose whichever adjective you'd like. No doubt that working out on a daily basis has boosted my self-confidence. Even though I can't see a drastic change in my body quite yet, I FEEL better, which in turn, makes me more confident. I can't explain it, it's just how it is. You ladies have been there: you can have all the makeup in the world, have the fittest body, cute clothes, etc, but unless you FEEL good about yourself, it's all moot. Am I right? Working out and eating (more) healthy does this for me.

3. I'm nicer. I don't know if it's the release of endorphones or what, but I am in a MUCH better mood after I've had a workout. It's probably directly linked to number 2 above. :)

4. It makes my husband proud. As I mentioned, he is a fitness freak. Okay, that's a lie. He's not a freak, he just likes working out and eating right. He's always (nicely) trying to remind me to be active for MY health, not for his sake. When I was pregnant, I was very health conscious and I was very active. He was very proud of me, I could just tell. He never had to say it. It was written all over his face and it was obvious that he was proud of me. I like making him proud because it turn, it makes me feel good. Again, back to number 2 above. I see a pattern here. I want him to be proud of me and I want to be HOT for him. Let's be honest, mom or not, our bodies change over time, so if I want to look good and feel good, I've got to put in the time. No more *wishing* that hot bod into existence.

5. I want to prove people wrong. I won't name names, but people have made comments about my weight post-baby. I'm not mad at them because I HAVE gained weight. Though I'd like to say it doesn't get to me, it really does. I know none of the comments have been mean-spirited, but the fact that people have noticed that I've packed on pounds doesn't exactly make me FEEL good. Oh, there it is again...back to number 2. I want to stick with this program for a LONG time because I want to prove to myself and to others that, even after gaining 30 pounds and nursing a baby for 11 months now, I can get my body back...and in better condition than it was when I left it.

I just know that when it comes down to it...I gotta start somewhere, and this seemed like a great place to start. So, here's to feeling better and looking good! How are you keeping yourself feeling good?

I Can Do It ALL!- no but really

Let's take a poll. How many of you succumb to taking those ridiculously titled Facebook quizzes like "How many kids will you have?" or "What is your best character trait?" I know I take them out of boredom usually and then I end up analyzing the results like I've been to a professional or something. Well, I succumbed (which sounds weird, like it should read 'succame' instead) yet again, but this time it was "What  Kind of Parent Are You?" DUN DUN DUN! My results are in. I shouldn't place any stock in the results, except that they're unbelievably on point, for the most part anyway. I really HATE when that happens. I'd much rather it be WAY the heck off and tell me zero about myself. Those are much easier to deal with. This one though-YIKES. My results are below and they're pretty spot on. How does it do it??? 

I love that it *thinks* I succeed at all 10 things I "pull forward at once" and I certainly tend to *think* I can "do it ALL, no but really", but that's not accurate. I definitely can't do everything no matter how hard I may try.  I also love that it says I'm admired for my "funny wit" and "go-get-'em attitude". I think I'm pretty funny most days + I definitely see myself as a go-getter, but maybe my friends + everyone else disagrees...? 

On the downside, the "cons" were pretty dang accurate too, especially the "sometimes bossy" and the entire section with a red box around it.My husband and family members will laugh upon reading this part because they KNOW it's (unfortunately) true. We have a saying in my family that originated with my brother when he was just a little guy. It came to be because apparently I would tell him what to do a lot (GASP, I know) and he used to reply with, "Chelsea, you're not the boss of me!" LOL! I have no doubts that the "bossy" part is absolutely on point. I'm working on it, okay! I dislike the part about being loud + seen as cocky or arrogant. Though, I don't particularly care if I'm loud, to be really honest, but I really hope the cocky + arrogant part is not true!! I would hate for people to perceive me that way, because I definitely don't feel like I am, nor do I intentionally try to be that way. Y'all weigh in...

Do these results seem accurate when you think of "Chelsea"? 

I gotta' stop taking these dumb quizzes. Clearly, I overanalyze them.  ;)

Also, if I even look HALF as good by dinner time as the woman in the picture, I'm doing alright.

Real Talk: Just Breathe

As I sit at my kitchen table eating the dinner I made for two, all by my lonesome (because my husband came home early from work tonight with a nasty, nasty stomach bug), I can't help but think about how I yelled at  him this morning. One of my finer moments, clearly. I rarely yell, but my inner *cuss word* came out today. He actually hadn't done anything, but he was the recipient of some pent up frustration caused by a relentless crying baby named Emerson. This morning was especially tough, which was a reality check because last night was so great. We got together with our small group last night for food + fellowship. We didn't get home until after 11 (which is a pretty big deal for us these days) + ended up in bed sometime after midnight, but that was okay because we had had a great night.

Well, fast forward approximately 5-6 hours + cue Emerson waking one whole hour before her usual wake up time. That, plus *TMI ALERT, men* my lady friend decided to return after 16 months of vacation time (talk about returning with a vengeance). My back was aching something terrible + I was very tired this morning. Needless to say, the day started on a rough note. After feeding the babe, she was unusually fussy (until she went down for a nap a little before 9am). I was losing my patience and quickly.

By 8am, Trey was awake (for real, not just because the baby was crying). He was preparing his things to leave for the gym before he had to go to work. I was irritated beyond belief that my child was crying relentlessly for no apparent reason (though looking back, obviously there was probably a reason). I was jealous that Trey got to get away from the noise + the responsibility of a baby for a WHOLE day, and to top it off, I really didn't feel well. One little comment he made set me off. I don't even remember the comment, but boy did it piss.me.off. I yelled and he shot back a response, then quickly kissed us + left. I really don't blame him for wanting to peace out, but it only made things more frustrating. That my friends was all before 9am.

I cried HARD for about 30 seconds after he left (mind you, Emerson was still crying). It felt good to cry. REALLY GOOD, actually. I think sometimes you just need a good, deep, emotional cry to let out your frustrations. I also prayed. That is always, always, always a good idea. I asked Trey to forgive me and I went forward with my day, which for the most part was much less exciting than the early morning portion. Thank God.

Why is it that we take out our frustrations on those we love the most? Trey and I are sadly good at this. Okay, that sounds WAY worse than how I meant it, but y'all know what I mean. I love that man with every fiber of my being, but I selfishly treat him like dirt sometimes + vice versa, especially whenever I feel inconvenienced or under appreciated, or ___________ (fill in the blank). I always feel extremely guilty and almost immediately feel the need to repent + apologize. I just don't know why we do it when I know it makes us feel so crummy. I guess Satan has a way of kicking you while you already down. Thankfully, Jesus picks us back up and cleanses us white as snow.

Next time, I just need to breathe...that could've eliminated an entire morning of chaos. Mental note to self: "breathe".

Since {I've} Been Gone

Hey guys! I'm dropping in just for a minute, or thirty, to share some updates that have occurred since you've I've been gone. I've mostly been "gone" because of what you see below, AKA an apparent teething baby that wants to cling to mom like no other + chew on every possible item, including my plants, bottles, bagels, and most importantly, my face (please ignore me in the picture below...bleh).

Aside from that, I've updated our living and dining spaces. This will not come as a shock to most of you because we all know how much I love to redecorate. I wasn't dissatisfied with our living space really, but it wasn't exactly what I'd hoped for the space. Between that and my taste changing monthly, I had to do some updating on a budget, of course. It all started with a picture of a living room with light colored furniture + neutral tones, which led me to an entire redesign of the space. The first must-have purchases were some new rugs, one for the living room + one for the dining room. The dining room rug needed to go. That thing was like $20 (nothing wrong with that) from Big Lots and I bought it when we first moved in to our house almost 4 years ago simply to define the dining room as an actual dining room. The rug actually wasn't terrible, but it definitely was a cheap-o both financially and in design.  The living room rug was a Target sale purchase and while it's served us well, baby spit up has gotten the best of it and I've found it isn't very easy to clean because of the weird grooves (see below). I knew it needed to go, plus the all "white" (or ivory) rug just wasn't cutting it with my OCD shoe-removal self. It was getting dirt and mud all over it when folks would come over and ultimately I regretted purchasing it and I couldn't deal.

 Enter RugsUSA! I happened to go on the website the day before President's Day, only to discover they were having a 75% off sale on most rugs! *Hallelujah chorus* I found a 5x8 braided jute rug originally $165, for just $42 and a 5x8 patterned indoor/outdoor white+gray rug valued at $372 for $74. I was sold immediately, especially at the ease of cleaning an indoor/outdoor rug. I purchased both (somewhat on a whim) and anxiously awaited their arrival. They were perfect for the vibe I was going for, which was a more subdued, natural color palette.

I did nothing in the space until the rugs arrived because I wanted to make sure I liked them prior to redoing any thing else (pillows, decor, etc).  Fast forward 1-2 weeks thanks to all that lovely white stuff that's bombed our area lately. I LOVE THEM. LOVE LOVE LOVE! I will say that my pictures are not ideal because 1) I used my iPhone and 2)I'm by no means good at photography. That being said, here's the rugs as they are now.

I actually wish I would've gotten the next size for the living room rug because it's a little small for the space, but it's not terrible and I can work with it! The next purchase were those white slipcovers. Previously the chairs had dark brown linen slip covers and while they were manageable, they made the space pretty dark and I wanted to lighten it up. The white slip covers are Ektorp from Ikea and they were $29 a pop (all of the other colors are $100+ each). *SIDENOTE: Those chairs are one of my favorite Craigslist purchases to date. Ektorp chairs run $350 each brand new and I got both chairs WITH slipcovers for $50 total.*

In addition to the rugs + slipcovers, my dad created a reclaimed wood ("borrowed" from an abandoned barn) pallet wall above our fireplace and thickened up the mantle. The wall is a huge statement piece in the room now and really makes the "natural/rustic" thing come alive. It's not photographed well at all here, but it looks really awesome in person. Dad also created those arrows for me and I purchased some new lanterns/boxwoods for the mantle decor, which I photographed a little better in the next picture. 

 The diamond throw pillows on the couch and the gray ones on the chairs were also purchased (TJ MAXX + ROSS).

The boxwoods on the mantle were purchased at "At Home" (used to be Garden Ridge) and they're the perfect size/ shape. I was pleasantly surprised with their selection of fake potted plants and they're cheaper than TJ MAXX + Ross. CHEST BUMP! The lanterns were a TJ MAXX find. I think it's safe to consider myself a Maxxinista now. Below are more arrows that my dad made (with my supervision, haha). I saw something similar on Pinterest and just loved it. These hang in our front entry way. 

That shelf is a new addition that used to just sit in the garage. It's actually bigger than I'd like, so it's just temporary, but I'm most likely going to paint that wood door with chalkboard paint, because what else do you do when you have a random wood door?! If you come over and realize my obsession with chalkboard paint, just pretend it's normal. Thanks.

And to all you doubters out there who claim my house is "always clean" or "always organized", here's proof that though it's clean/organized, it's full of baby stuff. Seriously, it's everywhere and it's slowly taking over the entire house one giant "toy" at a time. In my opinion, everything should be collapsable. But, that's just wishful thinking.

That's precisely why my spring/summer project is: Operation Playroom, where I will slowly but surely transform our hell of a "sunroom" into a functional, storage-savvy, kid-friendly, aesthetically pleasing playroom for Miss Priss. I figure I have a few more months, at least, before she is moving around and needing a real place to play, so until then, my hamster wheel is turning with ideas! I just love the notion of her having a whole room to use as she grows and as her play needs change and develop. 

 Anybody have any tips on either painting over red brick walls or whitewashing them? That's a BIG to-do on my list before anything else can get accomplished in that room. I'd appreciate any input you can provide! Thanks for reading. Sorry if I bored you, but hey, you've made it to the end, so congrats!

Challenges Everywhere!

Apparently 2015 is the year I take on several new challenges. My 30-day cleaning challenge has gone surprisingly fast, as in like a 3-4 day challenge, not 30. Once I started, I couldn't stop myself.

In addition to my 30-day cleaning challenge, I've started a clean-eating challenge. That's a really big deal for me, not because I'm a nasty, unhealthy slob, but I'm not always conscious of my food choices or the "stuff" that I'm putting in my body on a consistent basis. I eat lots of fruits and veggies, and I drink tons of water, while trying to eat on the "healthier" side of the spectrum, but aside from that I wouldn't say I'm "health conscious". I have shared before how self-conscious I am currently about my post-baby body. I went to the doctor about a week ago for my annual and I weigh as much as I did when I was 8 months pregnant. *jaw drop* To say that I was dumbfounded when I saw the scale would be an understatement, but of course no one saw that because I put on a smile and went about business as usual. I was super healthy while pregnant and I was exercising 3-4 times a week, if not more. I dropped my "baby weight" within a week after giving birth, which I attribute primarily to the insane things that nursing does to your body at first. I was SO excited to have my body back (albeit, it wasn't exactly the same as before, but it was close enough to make me feel good about it)! I've been beating myself up over my body for the past 2-3 months because every time I look in the mirror (sans clothing) I don't recognize the body before me. I hate that. I'm proud of the fact that I housed a baby in there for 9 (10) months, but I can't use that excuse forever. It's time I take my body/health back, for real. I've been seriously contemplating joining the gym (it would also be good bonding time for my husband and I since he works out a lot), but in addition to that I know I have to change my eating habits. I'm not a health-obsessed nut or anything, and I certainly don't intend to become one (as it often irritates me when people over-obsess about what they do/don't eat). I do however intend to become a healthier, fitter version of the person I am now. Trey has vowed to help me any way I would like him to. He's really supportive of a healthy lifestyle and he sets a good example. It's because of him that I was so healthy during my pregnancy in the first place. So, with that being said, I joined a clean eating "support" group (haha, it's not really a support group in the sense you're thinking, but rather a group that encourages clean eating and supports you as you go by offering tips and recipes). I'm actually really pumped about it because not only do they provide you with support, but they provide weekly meal plans for breakfast, lunch & dinner (and 2 snacks daily), with a shopping list included. That's amazeballs. :) I'm all about a whole week's worth of meals being planned for me!

Prior to joining this group, Trey and I discussed some ways that I could potentially cut out some carbs/unnecessary foods. After brainstorming for a while, he suggested I try to do one meal a day low carb/carb-free. I LOVE LOVE LOVE breads. It's seriously a pitfall. So, we decided I would try to do it every day at lunch. I started on Sunday. I ate grilled tilapia, peas, and quinoa as opposed to a sandwich with some chips or fruit. Yesterday for lunch, I wanted tuna fish sandwich, but the bread was a no-go, so I found this recipe for "Tuna Kale Salad". Sounds kind of gross, but tasted so delicious! You can find the recipe here.

I started the breakfast portion of the clean-eating menu this morning. It was "Strawberry Shortcake Oats" and it was freaking amazing. Seriously, I totally recommend it. It was like dessert for breakfast, kind of. 

Smash up 1/2 cup of strawberries in a bowl, then add an additional 1/4 cup sliced strawberries, 1/3 cup unsweetened almond milk (which I've been drinking ever since having Em and can't tell a difference, but it's SO much healthier), 1/4 cup nonfat greek yogurt (I used vanilla), 1/3 cup of quick oats, honey (or stevia) to taste (about 1 tsp.), and a pinch of sea salt. The recipe called for it to sit overnight, but I ate it right after making it and it was SO yum.

Aside from all these challenges, I've been thinking a lot about life in general, primarily as it relates to my daughter. She turned 5 months old yesterday.  F   I   V   E!!! When did that happen? How did that happen? Where is the time going? I actually cried yesterday thinking about how quickly she's growing up. I feel like I've been robbed though. Because I was depressed for a good 2 months at the start of her life, I don't remember much about her first 2 months of life, aside from the fact that she (and I) cried A LOT. She's a different baby now and I'm a different mom (thank God!), but it makes me sad. I'm actually frustrated because I feel like hormones and those horrible emotions robbed me of joy. They robbed me of enjoying my daughter when she was so new to the world. They robbed me of bonding time with her, but most importantly, they robbed me of time; time that I'll never, ever get back. That's a harsh reality. I realize there's not a whole lot I could've done to avoid the emotions I had back then, but it's still hard to think about it now. She is getting to a stage where she doesn't want to just lie in mommy's arms anymore, she wants to play and be active. Don't get me wrong, it's SO fun right now because she is engaging so much with the world around her, but at the same time, it's a little heart-breaking because I already feel like I've lost that "little baby" and it was in the blink of an eye. I know these are normal feelings and that they're only going to intensify the older she gets, but good grief. I'm so grateful for the opportunity to be Emerson's mom. I love her more and more with each passing day. I miss her when she's sleeping. I stare at her on the monitor just to feel close to her. I truly, truly, truly have learned the importance of cherishing each and every day that I have with her because these days are fleeting all too quickly. I want to make the most of these "baby days" because they'll be just a memory before I know it and I want to have LOTS of memories to cherish. These five months have no doubt been the MOST challenging, most rewarding, most memorable of my entire life. I am a mommy and I finally feel like I understand what that means. It's a good feeling and I never want to lose it. 

Enjoy the snow VA friends and keep warm!