Creamer, Hold the Coffee: from then to now

I love coffee. Now. I used to hate it, until I discovered coffee creamer. Creamer was made for me. I have tried to nix it on multiple occasions, but I just can't do it. It's kind of like every time I try to drink a beer {besides anything lime or grapefruit-flavored}, it just ain't gonna' happen. I'm just a 'creamer, hold the coffee' kind of gal.

Between the creamer and the sugar I put in my coffee, I'm surprised I haven't keeled over yet. It wasn't until just recently that I started measuring out my creamer + sugar, to moderate how much I actually put in. Did you know that 1 tablespoon of the all-natural creamer has 35 calories. I was probably using 3-4 tablespoons. Lord have mercy, I just had no idea! And no, I'm definitely not "counting calories", I just happened to look at the actual container recently and saw that. I was a little stunned.

With all that being said, it comes as no surprise that I'm a tad "overweight" for my age and height. No really, I went recently for an OBGYN appointment, and of course, the first thing they want to do is weigh you. Well, it was approximately negative 30 degrees the day I went for my appointment, so I was layered up more than a whale has blubber. Picture it. Much like the kid in A Christmas Story walking down the sidewalk with nothing but eyeballs exposed.

I stepped on the scale, only to step back down while begrudgingly looking at the nurse, as I said "wait, should I shed some of my layers first, you think?" To which her reply was, "I mean, if you really want to...". Well, for no apparent reason {other than her tone}, I felt ridiculously stupid for saying that and stepped back on the scale FULLY LAYERED. She moved the little dial on the scale {you know the kind that's at every doctors office that you have to manually move back and forth}, and then she KEPT MOVING IT. Like, at one point it got to the end of the scale, so she had to add another weight. *INSERT MAJOR EYE ROLL HERE* She didn't even tell me my weight, but no need lady, I saw it because it was only a super drawn out freaking process.

If you're like my mom, you're saying "PUH-lease, you are NOT overweight, Chelsea." According to my blunt {but yet, utterly amazing} OBGYN, I am. I really mean it, she's amazing. She is also a midwife, and she delivered my gorgeous baby girl, so I kind of have a girl crush on her {even though she's old enough to be my mom}. Anyway, after she got done with the lady business portion of the appointment, she looked at the computer, then looked at me, then looked back at the computer and said "Wait a minute. This says you weigh _____, but that's how much you weighed the last time we weighed you pregnant at 40 weeks." To this, I really didn't know what to say. I knew she wasn't trying to be ugly, and sadly, I knew she was right. She may have been as legitimately as confused as I was. Except, truth be told, I wasn't that surprised. I, of course, blamed my birth control. HAHA. She very bluntly, but as nicely as could be said, "Whatever girl, just watch your portion size. Baby girl isn't taking those calories anymore, remember?". Yeah, yeah whatever {with a twist}!

I lost all of my baby weight within 1-2 weeks of having Emerson. Literally, t w o weeks, max. That's insane {and that's also what no sleep, nursing, and the onset of PPD will do to you}, I get that. I kept it off for a good while and then, nursing sessions started slowing down. Emerson started eating actual people food and mama started finishing what she didn't. Because let's be honest, who has time to PREPARE and then eat a nice, healthy meal when caring for a babe 'round the clock.  Goldfish, cheerios, and mac-n-cheese became staples for me. When I stopped nursing, I never really cut back on my portion size for regular meals though, and I stopped being "as worried" about my nutrition because it was no longer affecting Emerson. That's when the weight started to sneak back on in various places. Okay fine, YES it went to my hips. And my belly. And my butt. And my face. But who's keeping track?

So what's changed between now and then? Honestly, I saw a picture of myself from a few months ago and I was flabbergasted, not because I was of whale-ish proportions or anything, but because I just didn't look like myself to me. My face was rounder, my hips were definitely wider, and my mid-section. Ha, well let's not even go there. It was time to face the facts. I wasn't taking care of me. Sure, I'd tried at-home workouts and even a nutrition plan, and it worked great for like 2-3 weeks, but then life "got in the way", or at least I made myself believe that it was getting in the way. There's no way that it was MY FAULT I couldn't keep up with it all. {sarcasm} I stopped making my nutrition and my health a priority, and as a result I was slipping farther and farther away from where I wanted to be both in terms of my health and my overall appearance.

Insert my lifeline here.

Shortly before Christmas this year, my husband came home from work telling me about how OneLife Fitness {where he works out} was now honoring the deal that he gets for being a firefighter {free membership as long as he goes 8x per month} for spouses of firemen. H O L D  T H E  P H O N E. We'd been discussing me joining the YMCA anyway, but compared to the $93 price tag they wanted for just Emerson + I, the free membership to OneLife plus a 20 minute drive was a no-brainer. AND, they have childcare, which they gave to us at $10 a month. Honestly, no where can beat that price right now. So, long story short, we went the next day and I joined and took a tour. I have been going ever since. It's been about a month now since I started and I LOVE going. Not only does it make me feel empowered, sexy, and strong, but it helps me sleep better, helps me eat better, a n d let's not forget, the 2 hours of childcare provided. H E L L O! That's 2 hours kid-free {love you E!} where I get to just be ME! I saw a shirt the other day that said "This is my happy hour #gym". I love that because it's true.

I love that it's something Trey + I can do together occasionally too. Don't let him lie. He apparently "snapped" or snap chatted, whatever it's called {I don't have snapchat}, a picture of me on the elliptical the other day that said "when bae goes to the gym with you". It was all in good fun and I had no idea he took it. What it didn't show though, was the 45+ minute workout I had done with weights and circuit training machines prior. I have used the elliptical TWICE in a month. Anyway, that's not really the point, the point was to tell you that I totally caught him staring at my butt as I was walking away from him after he'd helped me navigate some new equipment. SO, HA! Mama's still got some of it, at least as far as my backside is concerned. ;) Plus, as of today, I've lost 5 pounds and I feel great with so much more energy, so all in all, I'm very happy. I figure if I can continue to curb my eating habits {i.e. creamer overload, sugar + unnecessary carbs}, then I think by summertime, I'll be well on my way to a much healthier and fit me! Even this little bit of progress makes me anxious to see what the future holds. Also, shout out to my bae {ha!} for holding me accountable in a loving way; means a lot to me!

Post workout selfie.
Finally, got to the gym today after being home with a sick little girl all week.

I'm curious to hear how you guys curb your cravings? I literally stopped buying sweets because the only way I won't eat them is if they're no where to be found. How else do you keep yourself on track? Thanks for sharing in this journey with me. XO!

A Plain, Ordinary Hatbox

"God moves in mysterious ways, His wonders to perform..." These words are from William Cowper and are quoted in the book that I'm reading currently: Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers {go get it now!}. This book was a Christmas gift from my sister-in-law {and technically my brother, I guess, though I'm guessing he had very little to do with it} and it is BY FAR my favorite book I've ever read. It's one of those can't-put-it-down types. Without giving too much away, it's set in 1850 in California's gold country. It's a "powerful retelling of the story of Gomer and Hosea...a life-changing story of God's unconditional, redemptive, and all-consuming love." The reason I love it so much is because it's got that subtle theme {mentioned in previous sentence} throughout the book, but is told as an unexpected love story. It's brought me to tears, if you must know.

My post today comes as a result of one of the chapters that I'm currently reading in the book. I'm going to quote an excerpt from the book {character names are irrelevant} and then continue on with my post. Hang with me.

        

'Susanna put the container on her lap. "This is my God box," she said. "When problems prey on my mind, I write them down, fold them up, and put them through the slot. Once they're inside this box, they're God's problems and not mine." 
Angel laughed. Susanna sat solemnly looking at her, and Angel's mirth died. "You are joking, aren't you?" 
"No I'm quite serious." She rested her hands on the box. "I know it sounds ridiculous, but it works. I'm a fixer, Angel. A worrier. I've never been able to just let things go. I want to play God, if you will." She smiled in self-mockery. "Every time I do, things go awry." She patted the box. "So I have this."
"A simple brown hatbox," Angel said dryly.
"Yes, a plain, ordinary hatbox, but it reminds me to put faith in God and not in myself. The bonus comes when I see my prayers answered." '

As soon as I read those portions of the chapter, my eyes filled with tears. It moved me. Don't ask me why, but it must have been God himself. I am EXACTLY like Susanna. I'm a worrier. I can never just let things go. I want to play God more often than not.

The idea of a worry box, as I'm calling it, is such a simple, but profound idea. Ever since reading about it, I've been compelled to make one and use it. How freeing to be able to place our fears + worries {maybe not literally, but definitely in a physical sense} into the hands of the Father. I'm going to make one tonight. I'm not sure what I'll use as my "plain, ordinary hatbox", but I'll find something practical. I encourage you to do the same. Let's see what God does, shall we?

Also, read the book. You won't be sorry!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Completely off topic, but I promised I'd share. {Technically, I already shared on Instagram, but for all of you that don't follow me there, this is for you}. Our dining room chairs arrived as promised via e-mail and with 2+ hours of assembly, they are right at home at the dining room table. Only negative so far are the white frames that came preattached to the wooden seat. I'm thinking they need some dark spray paint eventually. What do you think? You like? We certainly do! XO!

Love the One You're In

This morning as I was scrolling Instagram, I came across a post that was asking followers to post a place in their home that made them delighted every day. I found it to be an interesting request, but I really loved it. That place for me was here. I have just recently come to a place where I take great delight in our home. I really cherish being in it and have such fond memories of creating this space for us.

Truth is, though, I love many places in our home. Sure, I go through phases of being discontent with certain structural and/or visual elements, but overall, I really love our home. My least favorite part about it is the outside of it as it's not my style really, at all. I am excited for the day when we purchase another home that is more aesthetically pleasing to the eye just as much on the outside as it is on the inside. But, this post is not to wish for another home, but rather to share parts of my home that I just adore. We will have lived here f i v e years come April. That is unreal to me. But, I've put a lot of blood, sweat, and tears (all very literal) into making this house our home. It sounds cliche, but it's very much true. I am by no means an interior designer, but I do have a passion for it and I love creating spaces that reflect me {us} and the needs of our family. It has been a long process and were we to be staying here forever, it would be far from done, but we won't be here too much longer, so for now, I would say I'm very blessed and pleased with my ability to create an environment that I actually LOVE to be in. I am such a homebody {in fact, another goal of mine this year is to say "yes" to being more adventurous outside of the home} that being in a space that looks and feels beautiful to me is important. It brings me great joy. Don't misread that to say that THINGS bring me joy. Of course, they do, yes, but it's seeing the beauty and feeling the cozy around me that brings me the most joy. Knowing that I've created this space over the years brings a lot of contentment and with that, I hope to share some of my favorites with you. Who knows, maybe it will give you some encouragement to create a beautiful space around you for your family {and y o u} to enjoy on a daily basis.

I cannot lie. Most of our home has been created on a DIY and budget-friendly agenda. It didn't happen overnight and many things are still a work in progress, but that's okay. I'm slowly learning that RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW isn't always the best approach. I'm just really impatient when I have an idea and I can't implement it immediately. It's one of my three flaws. HA HA HA, that's totally a joke. It's one of my kajillion flaws. Anyway, part of the fun of making this into a home has been doing it myself and doing it when my creative juices are flowing like wine. Wait, just kidding, they flow WITH wine. ;) Again, I'm kidding...sort of. Below are pictures of many of my favorite spaces in our home. I told you that I have quite a few. All the way at the end of the post are some details of where and how they were created, if you should choose to continue reading. XO!

 

             

             



                 
The bathroom is a weird place to call a favorite, right? Yeah, it is. But I LOVE it. I recently painted it and I just love the back of the toilet decor: Trader Joes Eucalyptus in a glass vase, a candle, and a frame saying "In the morning when I wake, give me Jesus." This is going to sound hilariously weird, but I pee every morning when I wake up {habit, I guess}, and this is always a solid reminder to begin my day. I'm actually laughing typing this, but I'm being serious.

The beside table is on MY side of the bed. The table was given to me by my grandmother and late grandfather, so it's cherished. It's definitely worn, but it has good shelving and I like the natural distressing from years and years and years of use.

The kitchen shelves are identical on each side of our sink. Our house was built in the 50's, so it's got some definite features from that era. I used to loathe these shelves because I could never figure out what to put on them, but now I have some glasses + tea cups {thrifted}, along with a framed set of kitchen measurements {free printable} and a candle {Target dollar spot}.

The front entryway has a "console table" that is actually one of our old kitchen cabinets that was in the garage when we moved in. I painted it and removed one of the doors to expose some of the shelving. We use it to store books, photo bins, but mostly, shoes. :) The chalkboard was a friends that I scored when they moved, and the basket is from Target and holds all of my husbands endless miscellaneous items. If I'm being honest, they all end up ON the actual table and not in the basket. I go behind him and throw them all in the basket. Ha, men! God love 'em.

The front porch leaves little to be desired, but I did snag this old wooden rocker from the curb when the neighbors were moving and added some pillows {thrifted}, a houndstooth blanket {thrifted}, and a little artificial Christmas tree in a basket {thrifted}. I switch out the pillows with the seasons {most are thrifted or recovered by me}.

The chair in the living room was a Craigslist {ikea} find and the wooden arrow was made by my awesome dad. The boxwood wreath is a yearly purchase from Trader Joes {$10}. Those babies last me all year inside. The one hanging on my pantry door in the very first picture in this post has been hanging on since 2 Christmases ago!! I just love this little corner, including Emerson's toy basket. It's a good reminder to me that everything doesn't have to be perfectly tidy to be beautiful.

The table in the living room is home to a TJ Maxx lamp, some random thrifted finds, including books, fake lavender (Sh!) a candle, and an antique fan that I scored on Craigslist for $10 years ago. It is also home to now one of my favorite items in the living room, the framed calligraphy of our names. This was an envelope that housed a friend's Christmas card this year. It was so beautiful, I had to frame it. Plus, she wrote it herself, so it's sentimental. :) Thanks, Michelle!!

The playroom is nothing special, but I love that it houses the majority of Emerson's toys and about half of her books. It does my heart good to know that I have one room to keep most of her stuff, so that it's not strewn about all over the house. We lived here before her, so her stuff doesn't need to take over! We spend so much time back here with her and she loves being in here, so that makes me happy. I also love the big windows which filter in SO much sunlight throughout the day.

The hallway wall of frames is quite possibly the most talked about area in our home. Everyone loves it for some reason, including us! All of the frames are either thrifted {and/or spray painted}, or from Dollar Tree.  The wall includes pictures of our families, our wedding day, Emerson's ultrasound pictures, the journal entry I wrote the night Trey proposed, random quotes/pictures {like Trey's home state of SC}, and of course, Emerson's first ever piece of artwork. Eventually, I plan to have a whole little area for her artwork, but she's a Picasso in training right now. ;)

The other hallway picture shows two of my all time favorite pictures, both from Emerson's first birthday shoot. Remember how I told you about the engineer prints from Office Max in last night's post? Well, these are other examples of those, just a smaller version. I found these poster frames at Goodwill for like $2 {honestly, I would love to eventually get nice frames} and the two prints costed approximately $5. You see these prints as soon as you walk in the front door, from a distance. I LOVE that- the most important people in my life right off the bat!

Finally, is our kitchen nook. My dad built that custom bench seat and table for us about a year or two after we moved in. We sit there to eat breakfast every morning and dinner every night. I'm contemplating getting rid of the table and making it a little seating area. The jury's still out on that though. This space is another one of those that's special to me because my dad played such a huge part in it. His handiwork is evident ALL over our home and that makes it all the more special, and all the more sad to think about ever saying goodbye to this house!

Thanks for hanging in there through this novel of a blog post. I'll be back sometime soon with updates on the dining room table + chairs, plus I have something a little more serious in mind too. For another time though. Until then,

A Nook + Cranny

Our guest room doubles as an office space. You walk into the view of the first picture (I did crop it a little, the bed isn't actually that close to the doorway) and if you turn slightly to your left, the little nook + cranny that is our office space is before you. See below.

It's nothing fancy, and certainly not photographed well AT ALL. Again, I preface this + any future posts by saying that I mostly use my phone for photographing for the blog (my nice camera is currently refusing to charge), hence the poor quality + bad lighting. Also, I don't own an editing program + I don't have a fancy iPhone 6 yet with the amazing photo capabilities.  So there's that. Let's  continue, shall we?

This room has been the most neglected over the years because, well, we never really used it. BUT, along came Emerson and now we walk through this room constantly to get to her playroom (on the other side of that door you see in the first picture above). It was an eye sore and really bothering me every time I passed, so I have slowly been trying to transform it into a remote version of what I'd eventually love (which will probably be in another house). I'm going to break it down for you (larger pieces only):

The queen bed was Trey's longgggg before we met (and he's 35! so you do the math) and the white comforter, which has been around since we got married, covers a tan quilt for extra warmth for our guests. Trust me, up close it's seen better days. Somehow it has pink marks all over it; I'll give you one guess who did those. The pillows were purchased at either Ross or TJ Maxx several months ago; same with the chevron blanket. The rug used to hang out in the living room, and then the playroom, and now lives here under this bed. It's SO soft, but sheds a lot, so I needed it in an area of low traffic. The side table is one of those tv tables (*embarrasing*) which I spray painted black a while back. It is definitely NOT what I want there, but it works for now with a limited budget. The ottoman was actually a console table that I found on the side of the road. I painted it greenish-gray originally and it was in our living room for a while, then it got a fresh coat of a BM Dove White (or White Dove, I can never remember). I sawed the legs down to ottoman height, added some foam and batting and covered it (AND THE HEADBOARD) using a $1.99 grey + white chevron flat sheet that I found at Goodwill. Lastly, the bamboo blinds were purchased at Big Lots for $12 each and the used to be white but now they appear more of a bird poop grayish-white color because our fireplace smoked badly one time last year and ruined them white curtains were purchased 6 years ago at Ross.

Now, on to the little nook + cranny that I recently revamped. I don't have a before picture-sorry! It wasn't TOO much different than it is now, but picture this in your brain:

Same desk and lamp, same plastic container underneath (without cute drawer covers), and a BROKEN desk chair (as in, the top half of the chair broke, so we were using the seat portion like a stool on wheels). Y'all, it was so ghetto, I'm almost embarrassed. So, as you've imagined, it was real ugly and a definite eye sore.

New purchases for this space include: file folders, tufted cloth chair, and the engineer print of my baby girl. In case y'all don't know or haven't read my blog before, you can send a photo to Office Max and they will print it in an engineer (architectural) size for you, upon request. The quality isn't THAT fabulous or anything because it's just printed on large white paper, but it creates a great piece of wall art for literally a FRACTION of the cost. I have like 6 of them in my house and I ALWAYS get compliments on them. As long as you use a good quality photo, it really looks pretty good. This entire piece cost me ~$4. I found the frame on the side of the road 2 years ago, while I was walking my pregnant self furiously through the neighborhood in an effort to expel the child growing inside of me. So, that was free. I spray painted it white ($3) and added this engineer print. All in all, it was like $7. NOT TO SHABBY! 

The file folders were purchased TODAY in my favorite place in Target, the DOLLAR SPOT. They came 4 to a pack and had some really cute designs. Instead of having all of our documents sporadically flailed about, now they're discreetly hidden inside these cute folders! I'll leave the actual organizing of the paperwork for another day. Ain't nobody got time for that!

My favorite part was my idea for these file folder drawer covers. I saw them and immediately was drawn to the design. I have pillows in my living room with this exact design. I knew I had to get them for $1 and I could easily figure out something to do with them. Insert my great idea (at least I think so). I had plain white computer paper on the inside of these plastic Sterilite drawers...NOT cute. The file folders were a little bit large to fit inside the front as a cover, so I simply folded them a little and voila! Ugly sterilite drawers turned supa cute! Obviously, I would love some great shelving unit with cute baskets to store items, but that's for another time. For now, this makes me happy. Oh, and how fun is the white wire basket? Another DOLLAR SPOT find at $3. It's serving as a wastebasket in the space. I'm very pleased with Target today. Very pleased, indeed. 

 I recently sold our dining room set because my amazing daddy made me a farmhouse table for Christmas. P.S. CHAIRS COME TOMORROW! Pictures to come for sure! I digress. I had additional money left from the sale of the dining set, so I purchased something I've been wanting literally for YEARS- a cloth tufted chair. I saw this last week when I was at Ross and I fell in love with the look and the price. I have scoured the internet for chairs similar to this and they are all upwards of $150. I just can't spend that right now. But, this one came in at $65, and I was more than happy to oblige my shoulder devil screaming "BUY IT! BUY IT!". Ha. I'm sitting in it currently, and it's certainly a good buy. And, it adds a nice touch to the little nook + cranny. It's SO MUCH BETTER than that stupid stool on wheels.

I hope you guys enjoyed my break down. I realize it's kind of long, so if you made it this far...thanks for reading! I'll be back tomorrow (possibly Wednesday depending on how frustrated I get putting the dang dining  chairs together). Keep you posted!

Like Ships in the Night

It was an occasional bicker here and there. It was an infrequent "Not tonight babe, I'm just too tired". It was a rare thing for us to have tension before our baby was born. In fact, the 9-10 months leading up to Emerson's arrival were some of my favorite times together as husband and wife. We'd bond over just staring at my belly moving. We'd talk for hours about what she'd look like, sound like, act like. We would sing to her, and make things for her.  Then, she came. Everything we'd been hoping for and dreaming of was FINALLY here, or so we thought. Truth is, what she brought with her is something I'd never expected.

Arguments, long and brutal arguments. Too many "Not tonight babe, I'm just WAY too tired's" (both from an overworked husband and a new, exhausted momma). Resentment. Anger. Frustration. Crazy work schedules. Lack of time. Lack of friendships. All of those (and many more) are things that came along with having our beautiful daughter. Marriage after baby, though very joyful in many ways, has been H.A.R.D. Can anyone relate? This post has been a long time coming. The topic has been on my heart for a while, and I recently had two different friends come to me about the struggles they've had in their marriages since adding a baby (babies) to the mix, and it just seemed like an appropriate time to write about it, so here goes...

Marriage is awesome in a lot of ways, but marriage is also very difficult in other ways. Marriage with kids is a whole new level of tough. It's like a level in a video game (don't ask me how I know this) that is impossible to beat, yet you spend hours and hours and hours trying to beat it. Marriage post-baby is a lot more "work" than I anticipated. Apparently, that's not an uncommon thought amongst our married-with-kids friends. (I'd be willing to bet this rears its ugly head in every household with children at SOME point, but if you have managed to escape it, then share your secrets and keep on keepin' on!)

What gets me is why doesn't anyone talk about just how tough married life is going to be after you have a baby? Why doesn't anyone give advice on how to keep your marriage a priority after a little human being comes along? Why was I so clueless that keeping our romance alive was going to require so much additional work than before? Why do I always have so many questions?

Ironically, I made a "date night jar" while I was pregnant, and Trey + I agreed that we'd utilize it once Emerson arrived. I think I read an article somewhere about how life changes a lot when you have a baby. OHHHHH, clearly I didn't understand it then. We had never really needed a "date night" jar before Emerson arrived, because we were pretty good about being intentional with each other...usually. I like to think the jar was my way of preparing for "marriage post-baby". Ask me if we've ever used it. in the 13 months of her life. Yikes, that's actually embarrassing to admit (granted we have been on a few dates, just not using the jar). 

Here's the thing: My husband and I have always been pretty different, aside from both being extremely stubborn and competitive, we don't have a ton in common. He likes football, I could care less (except I do like watching Clemson-he rubbed off on me). He likes beer, I like wine. He likes working out, I do...not. He's extroverted, I'm more introverted. He hates projects, I love them. He works a lot, I parent a lot. He is rational, I tend to be more emotional. You get my point; we're very different. Our differences have never seemed to be too much of an issue until this year. Like lately, our differences seem really hard to navigate, as in a lot of times, they're all that I can see. Like when he comes home sweaty after working out at the gym ALONE for hours to me sweating equally as much, but only because I've been chasing a toddler the entire time he's been gone. Or how he likes to tell me about things that happen at work with various people, and I, in an effort to feel somewhat validated, respond with something related to what Emerson did or didn't do that day.

We try to connect once Emerson is in bed at night, but honestly half of the time I'm nodding with empathy as he describes his days/nights at work, thinking to myself how there's no way in H-E-double hockey sticks I can relate to what he's saying.  He claims he understands how overwhelmed I must get at times caring for Emerson around the clock when he works days and days and days (and nights) in a row, but does he really understand? He isn't here a majority of the time, therefore there's no way he truly understands, hard as he may try.  It's lonely being me sometimes. It's frustrating being me. It's exhausting being me. WOE IS ME!

And, I crave him. I crave him like never before. I desperately miss our marriage pre-baby days. I want us to feel connected, and I want us to spend alone time together every day, but the reality is that that simply isn't an option these days. Due to his work schedule and my consumption of all things Emerson-related, we have become independent of one another, somewhat unknowingly. Again the irony of it all is that in trying to do "what's best for our family", we've lost a big piece of us. Our responsibilities have shifted and our lives have segmented themselves past the point of daily connection. Of course, we meddle in each other's lives daily, but it's just not like it used to be. He will put Emerson to bed when he's home. He will play with her and feed her and bathe her, so that I can clean up, or cook, or catch half of a television show without interruption. But despite us supporting each other in our parenting efforts, we are still like two ships in the night, sailing right past one another. When we're together just the two of us, it's usually enjoyable, but we rarely engage one another on a deeper level; on a level that needs to be reached. Let's be real honest here, our "engaging" usually revolves around a quick dinner at the table, then a joint bowl of ice-cream and a 30 minute tv show. I'm not complaining about though, because that, is better than nothing. It's really something special when our phones aren't involved, too. Don't pretend...you know EXACTLY what I mean.

This all sounds so dramatic and so painfully pathetic. Truth is, while I'm not intending to be dramatic, it is just that. Raising babies and keeping two adult lives + a relationship in tact is not easy. It takes hard work. It takes real, nitty-gritty commitment. Sometimes that commitment means continuing to swim upstream, when all you want to do is float and cruise downstream. Kids or no kids, marriage requires two people loving each other for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, IN GOOD TIMES AND IN BAD. Like I said, HARD WORK. I understand our marriage vows better now than I ever have before. So, thanks baby girl. ;)

I guess I wrote all of that to say, rest assured that if you feel like you are the "only one" that feels like your marriage is weak at the moment, or if you feel like you aren't doing enough, or if you feel like adding a baby was both the greatest and the worst thing you could've done to your relationship...you're not alone. One thing that I have learned since having a baby is that anytime I find myself feeling like "I'm the only one" that struggles with this or that, the opposite is  usually true. Nine times out of ten, God places someone or something in my path at exactly the right time to reassure me that indeed I am NOT alone in my fight. Sometimes, it's a friend (this has been especially true for me recently). Sometimes, it's a bible verse or a blog post/article. Sometimes, it's a stranger. And albeit, sometimes, it's my own spouse. You know, that one man that I pass in the night? Yeah, sometimes he's better for me than I ever thought possible. Even though we aren't always aboard the same ship, I know that amidst all the work craziness, the kid stuff, and the day-to-day, we are traveling the same direction, we just have to be intentional about arriving there together.